A couple different questions regarding having my new baby?

Question

1) I want to breast feed I'm just worried I won't be 'good' at it. What should I ask my dr? And who do I ask to talk to at my next app about it?

2) me and the babys dad are together, but I know neither of us truly has any interest in eachother, other then the baby (I know that sounds weird). But it just makes me sad to know that realistically things between me and her dad are never going to work out, I wanted to break the cycle and actually raise my baby with her dad as a couple, instead I believe we will just be raising her as freinds... how do I cope with that? I've accepted it, but for my baby it makes me really sad...

3) I live in the state of NE, I am on state aid for medical coverage, and EBT, I know I can just call and talk to my case worker, but I really want to strictly breastfeed until at least 6 months, so can I request financial help until that time? I am going to keep my part time job, which is only minimum wage, so it hardly gets the bills paid, and work a few days a week, with like 4 hour shifts, but with a new baby that definatly won't cover costs for us both.... until I get a good paying job, can I request some help? Or do I just need to plan on pumping and getting a job immediatly after she's born?

4) me and her dad are not going to live together, if I don't apply for child support will they still go after him for it? And if so, even though I didn't apply for it, would they still send me the money?
(I know the last 2 q's make me sound like all I care about is money, but I am hardly making ends meet financially right now, so I am very worried about)

Answer 1

1. They will help you at the hospital if you ask.



2. You just cope with it.



3 and 4 together. If you ask for assistance from the tax payers, the state will file for child support to be reimbursed for your welfare payments. You do not have an option to ask for assistance and not go for child support. They go hand in hand. So, if you don't cooperate to get child support, you will not got aid from the government.



ETA: It is a federal rule that you cannot receive any kind of government support without cooperating with your state child support agency. Google if you don't believe me. Don't believe the people who say only you can designate child support. That is only if you do not ask the tax payers to support you. The minute you ask the tax payers to support you, they will go after child support for your child if you have not already.

Answer 2

1) Go to a LLL meeting now, while you are pregnant bring with you the father, your mother, or your best friend so you can have a great cheerleader on your side during tough times. WIC generally has a breastfeeding class that is pretty lame BUT if the "teacher" seems nice and enthusiastic about nursing ask if you can have an hour of her time to talk about the ups and downs of nursing. Also, there is a book called "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" put out by LLL. THis is a really GREAT book to read BEFORE your baby is born. I know you said your on a tight budget and I don't know if you have a credit card but the book online was $11 NEW, used copies were much cheaper. If you can not afford this ask for it as a gift from your parents or a friend.

2)Being pregnant and having a baby and being tired and all the things that go along with being a new mom make you super emotional so this is a very hard time to deal with a shaky relationship but lots of women do it. Just know it's the right thing to do and focus on being a great mom.

3) I have no idea about your state. Some state will let you have the first year of your child's life on goverment assistance without having to do any job search, some won't. If you need to leave your child while you work, WIC will loan you a great breast pump. You can apply for housing assistance and help with your utilities in some states rather than cash. Is it an option to live with your child's father? I know it's not ideal but it could help with money. Is it an option to live with your parents? Talk to your case worker, there may be good programs. You will have at least six weeks with your child to start a good nursing relationship- which is not enough I'm afraid but work with whatever you can get.

4) If you get Adult Cash Assistance than they will ask your child's father for child support and NO, they will not give it to you, it will supplement the funds given to you by the state. However filing for child support is easy to do but sometimes isn't much help. If the father is unnemployed it is sometimes as low as $50.

-Ask around in your area and see if you can get a job you can take your baby with you.

-Save money NOW. Or, if your not a good saver when you get a little extra money put it on your utilities. Most companies will be happy to let you pay in advance. Don't waste money on baby stuff you don't need, ex: a crib- expensive and co-sleeping is better for the baby and better for keeping the breastfeeding relationship strong, mobiles and nursery decor ect. Stick to basics. Baby shampoo, a few outfits (usually people you barely even know will give you clothes, new and used,) diapers, wipes, and a carseat, swaddling is no where near as good as skin to skin contact with mom so you will only need a blanket for over the car seat if it's cold, and the one purchase you should get is a baby carrier you can wear but I have seen them at second hand stores for $10 in nice condition. Also is you are breastfeeding and on WIC they will continue to give you checks for healthy food for yourself.

Answer 3

1) You've already gotten some great breastfeeding advice. I just thought I would add a couple great resources; http://www.kellymom.com/ has great info on all things breastfeeding, as does http://www.drjacknewman.com/ which also has great videos that can help to see a proper latch and things like that.



2) I think it's great if you guys can stay friends and raise the baby together. That is a much better situation than many kids grow up in nowadays.



3 & 4) I live in Canada so I don't know how aid works in NE. However, I think you should apply for whatever you can so that you can stay home with your baby as much as possible. Also, the baby's father will have to help support you. If you are friends hopefully he will help out without anyone going after him for child support, but if he starts slacking make sure you apply for child support immediately. Make sure you keep records of all the payments he does make to you just in case you need it later. Make sure you discuss with him ahead of time what both of your expectations concerning child support are.



Good luck!

Answer 4

1: did u have ur baby? when i had my daughter they came and showed me how. u will be good at it. it comes naturally. u just have to do it enough so ur milk doesn't stop coming in. make sure u have a breast pump. cuz even if ur baby doesn't want to eat right then, u need to pump ever 2 hours to keep the milk from drying up or decreasing the amount it produces. It will be brought up after the baby and u are in the room together. u can have a breast feeding nurse come in and help u while ur at the hospital and while ur at home.



2: Don't stay together just because u have a baby. thats a horrible idea. it will hurt the baby. u dont want the baby to see its parents upset all the time. its not good influence on ur kid either. u dont need the babies father to make ur child happy. also no rush in finding a father for ur child. just have him pay child support and the baby with live with u and he can visit, only if he pays child support. its a normal issue among tons of couples. but dont ever stay with the father just because of the baby. thats the worst idea ever. u cant get a job until 3 months after you have the baby. and u will need to find daycare for the baby.



3: u cant get a job until 3 months after you have the baby. and u will need to find daycare for the baby, most day cares the baby has to be 4 months old to be in them. I am a stay at home mom. her father works. u must get child support from the father. ur child deserves that money.



there is also adoption because this situation seems very complicated. just remember its about what is best for the baby. and unhappy parents staying together because of a baby isn't going to be good ever.

Answer 5

1) I would recommend asking if there are any local breastfeeding support groups in the area. We have one at the WIC office and one at the local hospital. I go there once a week (my babies arent here quite yet) and they have been awsome at prepping me and offerning me support to breastfeed.

2) As long as your baby has two loving parents it doesnt really matter if you all live in a traditional family or not. I know you are sad but the beautiful thing is that if it has always been that way baby won't really know the difference. Your situation will be his/her normal.

3)Many women I have met have full time jobs and still breastfeed. There is one girl in our breastfeeding group who is a nurse practitioner. She works 10 hr days and still manages to breastfeed. She feeds before and after work and pumps during. It is totally doable with the right support.

4)I don't know how that works in your state I am afraid. Where I am from if you apply for cash assistance then you must get child support. But with most programs you do not have to apply for child support at all. If they did take out child support for whatever reason yes it would go to you.

Hope this helped.

Answer 6

1) I felt the same way when I was pregnant with my twins. I looked at my then totally useless boobs and thought there would be no way they could sustain two little lives! I actually doubted myself sooo much that I almost sabotaged my breastfeeding by assuming I had too little milk and supplementing when I didn't need to. Thankfully I educated myself about it and have been breastfeeding my twins exclusively for 7 months! And, would you believe, I actually had a problem with OVER supply for a few weeks.



You will be fine! Your boobs were MADE to feed children. Give them a chance to live up to their potential. There are almost zero reason a woman wouldn't be able to breastfeed unless they are severly dehydrated. Medical conditions that would prevent this are nearly nonexistent. There are remedies for EVERYTHING that causes problems, like inverted nipples, improper latch, hyperactive letdown, you name it, it can almost definately be fixed!!



Don't talk to your doctor about it. Doctors are almost never educated about breastfeeding. It isn't part of the curriculum. You can go to llli.org Le Leche League International. Look up to find a local meeting and attend a meeting while you are still pregnant. These women are AWESOME and oh so helpful you cannot even imagine!! There are also other breastfeeding support groups you may find as well as some hospitals offer classes. Even some 2nd hand baby thrift shops in my area hold classes! Just start Googling and I'm sure you will find plenty! Watching videos may be very helpful, too.



2) This is actually pretty common!! Many of our parent's generation did that, and ended up divorcing once we kids got older. I think it will just take time for you to accept it.



3) I'm not sure, sorry!! Hopefully you will have time prior to going to work after baby is born? It is recommended to wait to give bottles for at least 3 months. Honestly, I think Daddy is going to have to work and 2nd and 3rd job, or whatever is necessary, so that you can breastfeed exclusively. Otherwise, giving bottles is just going to happen as the baby will eat almsot nonstop in the beginning.



4) I doubt it. Tell him that in order for you to provide the best start for your baby, he is going to have to work his tail off for a while. That is what ALL fathers do if needed. If he moans and complains then you need to go after him for child support. You aren't asking him for a mansion, just to provide the very BASIC essentials that you need to support your baby's young life. You need shelter, food, etc., and he will need to do everything possible to ensure that you get that.

Answer 7

first of all: congrats to your new baby ! one thing you should remember is you are an amazing mom and dont let anyone put you down.

i was/ am almost in the same shoe. bf stayed with me when got pregnant for the babys sake . he left us when our baby was 20months old. the baby will not keep couples together, it will actually make the relationship worse if you leave together. we had the police out 3times and he got arrested the last time. id roped the charges because i felt bad ,since he is the fathers baby.

you need to get family support /help

i d say keep breasfeedingt *thats one thing i REGRET so much id didnt do w/ my son , job was more imprtant to me.

you need to file for childsupport noone willl go after him you can only do that yourself. i know a lot of people go back to work after 3-6months but i think its the best for the baby and you to b around for 2yrs.

one more thing: listen to your intuitions, but respect others opinions as well. good luck.