In what way was breastfeeding different than you thought it would be? (Also a bonus question)?

Question

I'm 29 weeks pregnant, planning on breastfeeding (this is my first child). I am a little scared of it, mainly because I've just never been exposed to breastfeeding as I was growing up.

Are there people who think they're going to love it and end up hating it? By asking this, I'm really meaning after the first week when it's so painful and you're still adjusting.

Also, an extra question:
What are some good breastfeeding etiquette tips? I know breastfeeding in public is a big controversy with some people, but women have to feed their babies, so what is a good way to "compromise"?

Answer 1

My husband and I attended a breastfeeding awareness workshop that we found very helpful so we were very pro-breastfeeding. But since birth it has been a struggle for my daughter, she only sucks for a maximum of 10 minutes at a time so she was constantly on my breast. I had to stop at 6 weeks, I was very upset but at the end of the day I tried, she does better on formula but even then she is still a hungry baby, so its a myth when they say formula is heavier than breast milk because in my case its so not true, even hungry baby formula still made my little one hungry an hour later.



When I used to go out I would have some expressed breast milk in an insulated bag ready for her to feed when she needed it. Otherwise use something to cover up, if baby is hungry then just feed her.

Answer 2

Breastfeeding was actually much easier than I thought it was going to be. I was worried, even though my entire family breastfeeds. I kept thinking "What if I'm the only one who can't figure it out?" I was a little frustrated at first because my son was premature and getting him to latch was difficult (took two months for him to latch without a nipple shield), but after that, it was a piece of cake! And it was nice that I never had to carry anything around with me except a nursing cover (I'm too shy to whip it out in public) and a burp cloth.



The first little while was hard, and I was tempted to give up, but I stuck with it, and I loved that I did. I made the mistake of introducing a bottle, though, and he ended up weaning, and would only take the bottle. SO if you want to breastfeed, I would suggest you don't buy any bottles.



I had no problem breastfeeding in public as long as I had a nursing cover or a blanket. I got some looks here and there, especially when I breastfed in a restaurant, but I didn't really care. I was covered. Some people think that breastfeeding is yucky. But really, it's normal and natural. If you let people get under your skin, it's going to make your breastfeeding experience difficult.

Answer 3

I was very well educated about it, so there were few surprises. Nothing comes to mind at the moment.



Yes, there will be the occassional woman who really wants to/plans to breastfeed and finds that she doesn't like it or has serious issues. But far more common are women who never really wanted to breastfeed at all but felt pressured into 'trying' -- so they 'try' for a couple of days, and then quickly find reasons to 'fail' and switch to bottles.



I'd urge you to take some time to educate yourslf. Education and committment are the keys. If you know what you are doing, (and get professional help where indicated), breastfeeding should NOT be 'so painful.' A little soreness, sure. Severe pain, no.



Breastfeeding etiquette -- There is no 'controversy' here. Babies are allowed to eat in public just as adults and older children (and bottle fed babies) do. Anyone who would object to it is clearly NOT well educated, and assumes that breasts are sex organs or breastmilk is comparable to feces or urine.



Be reasonably discreet (dont' strip your top off, jump on the table and scream "Hey everyone! Look at my t*ts!!), mind your own business, and 99% of people wont' notice or won't care. If anyone does object, it's THEIR problem, not yours.)



You may opt to cover up with a blanket or poncho, but IMO, that makes it even more obvious that you are breastfeeding. (Women don't generally hang around the mall wrapped in blankets, so you'll likely get more curious stares/looks if you do that. Better to just lift your shirt from the waist and latch baby on. It looks like you're holding your baby -- very little skin and no nipple shows.)

Answer 4

The pain depends on your breasts and your babies vigor. My baby is a super sucker and it only hurts when they are latching on. In about 2 weeks the pain is minimal and by a month you don't even notice it.



I wanted to breastfeed my son, but couldn't because he wasn't a good latcher and I had to have surgery when he was three weeks old and I lost my milk while in the hospital.

My daughter was a born breastfeeder and I can't get her to stop she is 18 months old and weaning her is next to impossible.

Etiquette, throw a blanket over top your shoulder and go to town. In the beginning my husband would hold the blanket up so I could get situated, but now I can feed her in any situation. Sometimes I throw my shirt over top of her other times I use the blanket. Anyway, it is so healthy for your baby you have the right to do it wherever you are. I wouldn't let me boobs hang out anywhere I want, but I do feed anywhere I want.

Answer 5

I used to breastfeed my children in public under a poncho - no one knew a baby was under there so couldn't/wouldn't get embarrassed or angry over it (i had encounters by stupid people). I breastfed both my children and both experiences was different. My first born was badly tongue tied (now corrected) so his suction wasn't as powerful as my youngest, the first 2 weeks of breastfeeding is painful and i will admit that if i never breastfed my first and didn't know it didn't hurt after a while - I'd of given up. It was a rather big shock, but i don't regret it not for a second.



Just if your breastfeeding, try talk to the midwifes about the latching on and detaching etc as i found out that my friend didn' t know how to detach the baby and used to pull him off her and i'm telling you - that is PAINFUL. And she gave up over it. (inserting a clean finger into the corner of his mouth to break the suction)

Answer 6

It was a lot different than I expected because I wasn't able to do it for medical reasons.

We thought my medication was safe to breast feed with then found out it wasn't. What's annoying is 16 mos later we are finding out it wasn't as dangerous as we thought it was because there is new research.



I did love it the one time I got to do it.



Extra Question: I think it should be ok to breast feed in public without getting rude comments at least. Covering up is the best way though if you are going to. Other wise, even though your nipple is covered, your breast is exposed.

It makes me uncomfortable to see it either way though. I don't know why, it just does.

I will not breast feed in public. Even in a breastfeeding room. Unless there is nobody else in it. I'm just not comfortable with it.

Answer 7

What I didn't expect was that it is far more rewarding than I thought it would be. At the beginning I felt like all I did was breastfeed, but at around six months it became so ridiculously quick and easy. It's funny because most of my friends weened to the bottle by six months and are constantly saying, "wow! good for you for going so long!". I always tell them that now it is easier than ever, the first few months can be challenging at times, but if you stick it out, it becomes quick, easy and simple.



Another thing I didn't expect is that I thought the longest I would go is one year because the thought of breastfeeding a toddler seemed very strange to me. Now, after breastfeeding my daughter for 9 months and learning so much about what is actually most natural for babies, I plan to let her self wean.



When it comes to etiquette, there was also another aspect I didn't expect. It's all good and fine to cover up when your baby is a newborn, but my baby, once she became more aware of her surroundings, was not okay with being covered while eating! She would pull the cover off and end up drawing more attention to what I was doing. I think it is unrealistic for people to expect mothers to cover up. It's not like we're trying to show off our boobs! I do my best to be discreet by choosing the right tops, but yes, if you are staring and trying to see some nipple, you will probably see some nipple! The tops I find best for nursing in public are button up blouses or cardigans, tops with a loose top and nursing tanks which if you put them underneath another top can make any top ideal for nursing in public.



EDIT - I'd like to address the comment made by David. Where do you propose the women who are in a restaurant with their family feed their baby? Not the bathroom because that is disgusting and dirty. The car? Why should a women have to exile herself to feed her child? What if she walked to the restaurant and doesn't have a car with her? Would you expect a bottle feeding mother to excuse herself? Do you understand that breasts are meant to feed children and actually have nothing to do with sex other than what the media has ingrained into us? Maybe you could stop being such a sheep.... No wonder your sister in law (or whoever) excused herself when faced with such ignorance! By the way, pumping is a lot more work than you seem to realize and can compromise a woman's milk supply. Also, if a woman misses a feeding while she is out, she will become engorged, do you suggest she carry her pump with her also and pump while she is out? Isn't that getting a little ridiculous??



Of course it makes people a little uncomfortable! Most of us rarely saw it growing up. If everyone hides themselves away or never leaves the house while breastfeeding then our children's generation will be equally uncomfortable. I hope women will have the courage and intelligence to realize that breastfeeding is nature and that if we do it in public, the next generation won't face all this "controversy" over something that nobody should be giving a second thought!



To the poster, please don't let ignorant fools like "David" discourage you, they are very misinformed and in the minority.

Answer 8

I always knew i wanted to bf and i knew it would take some work but i didn't realize how hard it would be and when you grow up in a family with lots of babies and no one else bf , you don't get the support you need which makes bf 10 times hard cause no one understands how hard it is and what your going through.I didn't think the feedings would be so often so everyone thinks shes not getting enough milk but shes gaining weight, so all this hard work is paying off so im sticking to it! i enjoy it because i feel connected with my 2 month old. some days it isn't easy but i know its best for her and me. and when it comes to bf in public....i try to avoid it, i know i should just get over it and just do it and you can easily cover up but i'm still kind of shy about it. i like the malls that have nursing rooms. and honestly it was only painful for me the first couple days because she wasn't latched on properly, had some sore cracked nipples but some breast milk on them and it cleared up the next day!!!

Answer 9

I'd researched a lot beforehand because I was really committed to breastfeeding.

I was prepared for pain at first and there was some, but not as much as I anticipated.



In public, I have a cover. Really, as long as you're not throwing your breasts in everyone's faces and you're at least somewhat discreet, breastfeeding is basically unnoticed.

Answer 10

Okay my story is kinda long...



Something I was not expecting:

My daughter was born on April 4th of this year. She was in distress and I should have had an emergency C-section but the doctor wasn't there...So I just had to push her out as fast as I could. When she came out she wasn't breathing. After they stuck multiple tubes down her throat they got her breathing again. Then I wasn't aloud to even see her until about 3 hours later...In which case they had already given her a bottle! Apparently I did not make it clear that I wanted to breastfeed. Oh well, my lactation consultant told me it was just a minor set back and we needed to get her on the breast. That was easier said than done. My little one did not want to latch on. She would latch then suck a few seconds then start screaming! Eventually her glucose levels dropped and they gave her another bottle. At the time I didn't know much about breastfeeding. I didn't know anything about nipple shields or supplementation aids. They scared me enough into thinking there was no other way but the bottle. I regret that. After a month of constant pumping because I couldn't get her to latch I almost completely dried up. She was getting more formula than breast milk and started to have all sorts of issues with the formula. (Acid reflux, allergies, gas) So we put her on a special formula, Zantac, and even put rice cereal in her bottle because her reflux was so bad.



After all of that, I was getting maybe an hour of sleep every single night. So, I decided to try breastfeeding again. It took about a month to get it all together again but she is now exclusively breastfed! :) It takes a lot of work to breastfeed so my advice is to learn as much as you can. So not to end up in a similar situation as I did. Do your research and keep asking any questions you may have. The hospital staff will likely be discouraging to your breastfeeding (At least they were with me) So make sure you have a lactation consultant around to help you.



It really was never painful for me. As long as the baby has a good latch that shouldn't be too much of an issue. It will take up to 6 weeks to establish breastfeeding, so no bottles or pacifiers until then. Let her use you as a pacifier and feed on demand. This will mean you will have a baby hanging from you around the clock. But it will get better. Some women have no problem with it. Others end up giving up because it is indeed so frustrating and exhausting. If you really want to do it, do your research.



And about the breastfeeding in public. There are different ways to go about it and depending on the type of person you are will depend on which way you choose.



I always wear nursing tanks under my clothes with build in bras, that way I can pull in my shirt and still be covered. Then I pull the nursing tank down and latch her on and pull the shirt down to cover. Her head covers everything that needs to be covered and so do my shirts. Just find a quiet place kinda private place (you will get good at finding these!) and nobody even notices! and if they do MOST of the time they don't care because you are covered and feeding your hungry baby!



Or you could buy a nursing wrap, some more conservative women like this. The only problem with it is it calls attention to you and says, "I AM NURSING!" lol So thats why some people choose not to use a nursing cover.



Some women go out to their cars mostly because it is more comfortable for them. I would never do this. Its too much of a pain! and its hot here in Texas!



Just don't nurse your baby in the bathroom or feel pressured to do so. Breastfeeding is perfectly legal in most areas and it is actually illegal to harass a breastfeeding woman. So don't worry about it :)



Good luck to you!

Answer 11

I didn't realise how _happy_ it would make the kid. I thought it would be as exciting as any other sort of food, but, no. There's a big emotional aspect to it for your nursling. Enjoy this; you will be a tremendous source of comfort and security.



It shouldn't be 'so painful' -- I had no pain at all -- pain generally means you want to start checking for problems, most frequently the baby not latching on properly...



Etiquette-wise, it is appropriate to nurse anywhere it is appropriate to give a bottle. Just relax. Very, very few people actually care, and very, very few people will actually notice. I see you are in the US, which I think is a little more high-strung about the whole thing, but I can tell you that here in Canada, hardly anybody notices, and if they do, they are either another parent of a young tot (in which case, you get a sympathetic smile), or a grandma (in which case, you get a nostalgic smile).





(If you want a positive, trouble-free nursing experience -- READ UP; don't count on advice you'll get from nurses and physicians; loads of mothers on here have been given bad advice and had their nursing sabotaged from hospital nurses and pediatricians who don't know much about breastfeeding. Spend some hours reading through http://kellymom.com/ and a few of the articles here http://www.drjacknewman.com/breastfeeding-help.asp and you will be prepared to deal with 99% of the common problems; get the number of a good IBCLC-certified consultant or LLL leader in case you run into the other 1%)

Answer 12

Don't compromise. Feed your baby. Everyone else can get bent.



I didn't have any predetermined ideas about breastfeeding. I didn't picture it being a wonderful, beautiful, picture perfect time like some people do. I didn't picture it being horrible, painful and a pain in the butt. I knew I had to do it ( with first baby ) because I was so broke I couldn't afford formula. End of story. And I was too young and stupid ( honestly ) to know about WIC.



I ended up loving it and I deeply regret NOT BFing my 2nd and 3rd child. I plan on BFing my 4th. I'm 29 weeks also.

Answer 13

First question, I am not a female and we adopted our daughter and didn't breastfeed her.



Second question.



I hear women say that it is a special moment between her and her baby to do such but I don't buy that when I see women in McDonalds doing it in open public. If it was that special, don't do it in McDonalds. And if you do it in public, why try to cover it up and smother the kid with a blanket? Everyone knows what you are doing and those of us who do feel uncomfortable with it will have a problem. But you couldn't not cover/smother the child...because that would make you uncomfortable.



I say do it in private. My sister came over to my house for some sort of family thing. When my infant nephew was hungry, my sister didn't make a big production or anything...she just slipped out of the main area...into a back bedroom with my nephew...did her thing...and that was it. No worries or anything. Had my sister chosen to stay in the room and cover up, I can assure you that most everyone in the room would have been uncomfortable and I am thankful that my sister was considerate.



If you are going to be on the go...use a pump and pump it into a bottle for times when you are in public. If you insist on always giving them milk from your boob...then stay at home around feeding times.



To respond to RoJo63:



First, I am going grant you the courtesy you didn’t grant me and not result to name calling.



If a woman is going to be out during the day with her baby, she can very easily pump the milk at home and carry it with her using a cold pack. Then, when the baby gets hungry…she gives the baby a bottle and doesn’t have to worry about covering up…right? By doing this, the woman can still engage in whatever she is doing…shopping at the grocery…eating a meal with a friend/family…or sitting in church.



Yes, I do understand that breasts are meant to feed children…so why do women cover up then? Are you now going to tell me that it is beneficial to cover you baby’s face with a blanket? According to you, you are only feeding your child so why should the child’s potential oxygen flow be restricted?



You talk about society and being uncomfortable…so start a movement for women to allow women to go around topless. Then we have a non-issue. Breasts get recognized for what they are…organs used for feeding the young. The plastic surgery industry, adult entertainment industry, and bra makers industry might have issues with that but I don’t and I honestly mean that from a nonsexual position. You change the societal stigma with breasts from sex and towards feeding…and all goes away. Until this is changed by society though…you will have people, like me, who do feel uncomfortable with it and have every right to voice our opinion as we do live in a free country…or at least I do.



Just because something is nature doesn’t mean we should be able to do it in public. When “nature calls” and you must go to the bathroom…it is done behind closed doors. Sex is also a fundamental natural instinct so is this to be done in public as well?

Answer 14

with my little girl i breast fead till she was 3months&the only reason i stopped was because my body wasnt producing enough milk it does make your nipples very sore but its worth it in public i would always go to the car they also have benches in most bathrooms for that but i always covered with a little blanket just throw it over your sholder to cover loosely and i pumped it if we were going to be somwhere for a long period but its worth it all i wish i could have longer the dr gave me meds to help but they made me so sleepy i couldnt stay awake and had to stop taking them. But my sister in law did it once and was done some people differ(i think she didnt like it because she lived with a ton of family members)hope i helped good luck &God bless

Answer 15

At first I hated breastfeeding!



My baby and I had a lot more trouble learning how to do it then I ever expected we would!



He was not latching properly, so he would suckle but not get milk out. My nipples were getting cracked and sore to the point they were bleeding and I would get engorged because he was not getting the milk out. I had to buy a breast pump and continue pumping while we continued to try to improve his feeding.



I went to our local breast feeding clinic at the hospital several times a week for the first month to get help from the lactation specialists. There were so many times when I was just so frustrated I just wanted to give up. It was so hard when my son was screaming and hungry and I would try to put him to breast to feed and he would push away and scream louder! That whole first month I was constantly having to pump into a bottle and feed him from a bottle OR use a nipple shield.

(Nipple shields are thin silicone shields that go over top of your own nipple, but they are longer and almost like a bottle nipple to make it easier for the baby to latch)





However I stuck it out and did not give up! Finally when he was 4 weeks old we had a break through. One evening we were just sitting on the couch and I started working with him again and he just latched right on and ate!



From that night on I said - no more bottles - I knew at that point that he was capable of breast feeding so I really wanted to push it so we were using no bottles anymore.



Once we made that break through I was SO happy I did not give up! The lactation specialists had told me it takes 4-6 weeks to establish good breast feeding - and it turned out to be SO true!



Now my son is 12 weeks old and I absolutely LOVE breast feeding! Its so easy, I always have food ready, as much as he wants at the perfect temperature! I never have to worry about pumping and bringing bottles with me when I go out, in the middle of the night I simply just get him out of his crib and feed him. Plus I know it sounds so cliche and that everyone says it - but the bonding is amazing! People always used to tell me that and I did not really understand how breastfeeding would be that much different than bottle feeding to "bond". However its so true - there is something so heart warming and special about cuddling your baby while they eat and having them stare up at you and fall asleep in your arms.



As for breast feeding in public I just bought a nursing shall, its like a poncho that goes over you and you can breast feed the baby under the shall. I don't really give a crap about what other people think of breast feeding in public. Its natural and wonderful and if it bothers them they don't have to look. However the shall just makes it more comfortable for me :) Its easy for me to just lift my shirt and stick him under and I don't have to worry about my breasts being exposed in public lol!



My advise - it can be really hard to get used to breast feeding - for both you and baby - but if it is important to you - Do NOT give up - because when you finally have that break through you will be SO happy you stuck it out!

Answer 16

I don't think I thought much of it before having my first. I just knew I was going to do it. (My first is now three-years-old) It was rough the first week as we adjusted and as I learned. One thing I should have done was consult a lactation consultant. My insurance allowed a home visit with a nurse at two or four weeks (I do not recall) and she helped me with my latch. (We had a great conversation and I wish I had seen her again, but I did not make the effort. My husband was a student at a ELCA, Lutheran seminary and her husband was an ELCA pastor at the church my sister attends. We started talking insurance and that she actually used her husband's insurance because it was better than hers. I digress.)



For the first few months, I did not NIP (nurse in public). I was... ashamed? No, that's not the right word. Uncomfortable. I think the first time I did NIP was on a trip from Columbus, OH (where we lived) to Niagara Falls, NY to visit my grandpaernts and uncles. (My uncle who lives in CA happened to be visiting during my husband's spring break. My parents were not able to get away from work, though.) We stopped in Erie, PA for dinner. I didn't want to sit in the car any more so I just sat at the table. I was covered and my daughter (then about six months old) was chowing down while I read the menu and gave my order to the waiter who looked to be in his late teens, early 20s.



My son is now seven months old. I have NIP with no reservations since birth. When he was less than a week old and we went to his newborn pediatrician's visit. While we were waiting, he woke up and was hungry. Of course. While I was feeding him, we were called back. I made sure I was as covered as possible (I have a Peanut Shell nursing cover that I got from a friend, but forgot it; Now it stays in the diaper bag, unless it's being washed), and walked back, still feeding him. I laughed and said to my husband that I've come a long way in three years. I also sit in the front at church, where I can walk out easily if I can. I nurse in church, as it's easier with my three-year-old. I'm the pastor's wife and at the least, especially when my daughter was curious, I might have flashed the man behind me once. Once, I was in the library feeding my son and a tee aged boy came in to talk to my husband. I was uncovered. I joked with my husband and his mom that maybe he saw enough to keep his pants on for awhile.



Nursing tank tops are nice, especially in winter. I got some with my son, as WalMart now has them for around $12. (They were expensive when I had my daughter, and I used thin tank tops and camisoles with her.) They work decent under blouses, especially in winter for an extra layer. (I didn't bother with my long wool pea coat last winter. Instead, I wore a longer wool blazer with thin chanile gloves and a scarf. It was almost as well and less bulky and one less thing to worry about with two kids.) Button downs are good, too. Most of mine are loose and I just lift them up. Unlike most of my golf shirts and Tshirts, they don't look stretched out from being pulled up and down. I just make sure that they cover when I am feeding him. The nursing cover is almost worthless now, as he doesn't always lay still, and he moves around and likes to grab. (The tank tops also work well under cardigans. For Easter, I wore a 3/4 sleeve white cardigan over my white nursing tank and my short black skirt and got compliments on it. My mother said I was showing too much cleavage. Eh. It's not like I'm the pastor's wife or anything (which I am, actually). I've also worn my black tank with said skirt and a long sleeved cardigan that goes just below my breasts that is cut in a way that implies curves, which I already have, and thought it looked cute. However, the sweater was too small to cover while nursing and I think I flashed some of the congregation that Sunday morning.