Did your mom help with the new baby?

Question

I have a 6 week old, my second baby (first one is almost 8 years old) but my husband works out of town every other week. My mom has yet to come over or even offer to help with anything. I feel kind of bitter about this.. it was the same with my first child but she helped my other 2 sisters when they had babies. I just want to know if its fairly typical of other people's moms to stay away or did you have alot of help?

Answer 1

My mommy helped with all of the births of her grandchildren! She willingly flew from AZ for all of the premature births of my babies. She stayed for a couple of weeks to help me, and then she flew home. Then my MIL would come down from OH to help for another few weeks. It was a hectic household, but i appreciate all of the help that I did receive. When my last child was born, I had a 2 year old, and a 1 year old, at home. Before you ask, yes I'm done having babies.

When my brothers eldest boy was born, my ex-sil couldn't change a diaper (she's a spoiled *****!). My mom had to show her how to do everything. Four years after my nephew was born, they were divorced, and my brother became a single father. He raised my nephew without my ex-sil's evil influence.

Then my brother married the love of his life. She's a gal from southern Ohio! They have two children together. She had been raised as an only child on a farm, and she knew nothing about babies, but she was willing to learn. So me & my mom flew out to Colorado after my second nephew was born. A few years later my brother & sil had my niece, we flew out again. When my niece was a few months old my brother severly broke his leg. My sil couldn't manage a two story house, a diabetic uncle that lived with them, a grade schooler, a preschooler, and a newborn on her own. I offered to help. My husband was deployed at the time, and I didn't have any kids. So I went to Colorado and helped out around there for 6 weeks. It was the best time ever! That's what families do, they help each other when it's wanted & needed.

You can get some needed sleep if you get a co-sleeper (arms reach co-sleeper) a pack-n-play that can go right beside the bed. You can be right there with him, and get some needed zzz's. When my babies were little, I got the "Angelcare Monitor" system when they came home from the NICU. They were all born early, and I needed to sleep! This was probably one of the best investments that I ever made. It allows you to keep baby close by, and still be able to know that their movements are being monitored by this fabulous machine. I don't have mine anymore, but I can tell you that's it's an awesome thing to have.

Just one more thing. IMHO: It's NOT right for a mother to favor one child over the other. My mom never did this with me or my brother. We don't do this to any of our children. There is NO shame in asking for help. You're obviously anxious, sleep deprived, and worn out. When your hubby is home take naps. I promise it does help. Good luck, I hope this helps.

Answer 2

I know how you feel. My son was 2 weeks old when I went and visited my mom and dad for 2 days. I was so sleep deprived, I was crying my eyes out. My mom never once offered to watch him for a couple of hours while I got some sleep. I was angry too. She kept saying well I never had help from your dad when you was little, maybe that was her excuse for not helping me. My son is now 8 weeks old and she still hasn't offered to come and help me. Oh well, I guess I just have to get over it. They live almost 2 hours away, but she could still come and help me, she just doesn't want too, so I guess in a way it is her loss because it is time she could see her grandson and she isn't. All I can say is, see if you can find some to watch your 8 year old maybe 1 night a week after school and you and the baby can take a much needed nap. Good luck to you and hope you get some sleep soon.

Answer 3

I had very little help and still do not get much. My mom offered to come over but she'd have been more of a pain. She did watch my daughter when my girl was almost 2-3 weeks. My daughter never slept and I was at the point of passing out while holding my daughter. So my mom did watch her that one night. I have been quite disappointed with the help I have received. My mom did watch my daughter on Valentines but only because my husband asked weeks ago. Before that it had been over a month and that was so I could go to the ER.



I really expected for my mom to watch my daughter every other weekend but she is too busy with her own life. It almost seems like more of a pain to take her over there sometimes. I will drop her off and my mom will call and call. How am I supposed to enjoy anything? MY parents only live 5 minutes so it seems they would see her more. What is funny is I was looking at moving 40 minutes away and my mom threw a fit saying then she couldn't see her grandbaby 4 times a week. I was like what in the hell are you talking about.



It will get better. Have you tried a swing? My daughter would nap so well in her swing. I loved that thing. I would put her in it and nap.

Answer 4

When I had my first child, my mom helped me out tremendously. However, I had just graduated college and she requested that I move in with her so that she could help. So, my situation was a lot different because I was living with her at the time.



Are you the oldest of your 2 sisters? Not trying to make excuses for your mother but maybe she thinks more highly of you and believes that you are better equipped and that you can handle things well on your own. Also, is she a lot busier now than she was before? In any case, I would probably feel bitter too especially if my husband worked out of town a lot and I had little to no help. I hope she at least calls you to check in every now and then. Try mentioning your feelings to her and asking her for a little assistance when your hubby is away. Congrats on your baby and Best Wishes!

Answer 5

My Mum works full-time and doesn't live in the same town as us. However, she did come and stay for 3 days to help out when my second son was 2 weeks old. My husband was working out of town for a week every other week as well. Mum came mid-way through the 1st week my husband was away. Mainly she came to help with my then 2 year old who is quite a handful.

Answer 6

My mom came for a week, and my aunt came for two weeks. I'm a single mom and had a c-section, so I needed some help in the beginning, until I could drive and lift things and such. After that, though, I was completely on my own - no family living nearby. My daughter rarely slept for longer than an hour at a time either; I co-slept with her to make things easier.

Answer 7

I was lucky to have my mom help me out when my baby was born. She was there by my side and helped me through. I had a spinal leakage, really needed help...I am very grateful for all her help. My husband was great too, but he was clueless on certain things, obviously everything was new for him. I felt safe knowing that my mom was able to help us both.



I also think that it would have been nice if your mom was considerate, even watched your baby for at least an hour. I don't see why that would be a problem? I know I'd do the same for my daughter when one day she will have a baby of her own. I'd do in a heart beat ^_^

Answer 8

maybe she had less faith in your sisters ability to do it on their own. if you need her help you should mention it to her instead of just waiting for her to offer. when both of my children were born i made it very clear that i did not want any help. i have always been a do it myself type of mom and i like it that way. my son was born when my daughter was 22 months and i felt like other people would have just been in the way. i still made all of our meals including dinner the day after giving birth and resumed housework my first week home. i actually envy you because i assume your 8 year old is in school during the day so you dont have to care for a toddler and baby 24/7 like me.

Answer 9

do not difficulty, i've got basic people who slept with their mom till the age of twelve. rapidly they only stopped and slept of their very own mattress. sometimes it ought to additionally be from emotional problems. extremely, i'm the youngest of four and had the comparable subject. I had many problems with my father and that brought about emotional problems like I stated. he will improve out of it. Now, the section the place he gets away with each little thing is undesirable by using fact it teaches ur brother that he can do in spite of the fact that he needs. good success!

Answer 10

I am a mom to twins and we have been very fortunate that my mom has helped out. She stayed with us the first few weeks after we brought the twins home and when my daughter required surgery, she stayed with us for a month while my daughter had surgery, cared for my son and also watched my daughter so that I could work while she was recovering.



Have you asked your mom or let your mom know that you would appreciate her help? Maybe she does not realize that you are missing her.



Congrats and best wishes!

Answer 11

Unfortunately my mom lives in a different state, but she was here for 5 weeks after my baby was born, and is here now and my baby is 3 months old. She would be here all the time if she lived here if I wanted her to be. Your mom should definitely help more. Maybe she feels like she is butting in, and all you have to do is ask.

Answer 12

My mom is 72 years old and she has been here to help me with my baby girl. She has been very helpful during the day time as she is on sleep medication at night, but I am very greatful with whatever help I am getting from her

Answer 13

My mom helped a lot and so did my sister. They both were there non stop helping. Lol. It made things so much easier for me and they have a great bond with my son! They still help a lot. My mom takes my son every tuesday for some grandma time as she calls it and it is so nice because I can do errands or just have some ME time !!

Answer 14

My mother visited for a couple weeks after the baby was born. She lives over 700 miles from me, so I was on my own pretty much the whole time. Have you even bothered to ask your mother for help with your LO? If you need help, it's your job to ask for it. You are an adult, right?

Answer 15

My mom was here for three weeks. Seems very weird that your mom helped with your sisters but not you. Why don't you make the suggestion that she come for a visit?

Answer 16

U know i had a 4 months baby. at first month i am lucky that my mom and husband helps me lot. both r working people so from second onwards its changed. i didn't take good sleep, food,bath too. no one to help.

Answer 17

When my husband was at work, I had no help at all! My MIL talked a big talk, but that was all it was. I even asked her to help me with dinners and she told me that I needed to cook a weeks worth of food and freeze it! As if I could cook right after having my baby!!

Answer 18

I have three kids and my mom hasn't helped with any of them other than babysitting when I need it. What do you need help with? She is in the sleeping stage still, you should have plenty of time to get things done and get rested.