Aren't there other ways to grieve/cope with infant loss?

Question

I know a couple women whom have experienced infant loss. They join support groups and whatnot and have amassed large amounts of female friends whom have all lost their children. This is fine and all, but things start to approach sickening and disturbing when these women start posting pics of their dead babies on their Myspace and Facebook profiles. In most of these pics, the baby's eyelids are all sunken in and the body's skin is discolored and in stages of decomposition. Then they put the baby into clothes and sit it next to a teddy bear for a photo. It's just ghastly.

Some of these women even go as far as to bring these photos into their place of work and set them up on their desks in picture frames. Sometimes the baby doesn't look dead, but like it's just sleeping. When someone approaches their desk for something, looks at the pic, and asks the mother, "Is that your son? He's so cute", the mother replies, "Yes, he was a stillborn." How awkward is that? Not only do you bring a dark cloud over the conversation, but you also clue the inquisitive person in on the fact that there's a picture of a dead baby on your desk. This puts the person in a very uncomfortable position in which they feel obligated to empathize with the mother by throwing out some obligatory statement like, "I know how you feel as I lost my mother recently" or the even a more jittery, knee-jerk response of "My dog died last year". Then the bereaved mother gets all offended and posts about the "insensitive person" on their Facebook page, talking about how people who have never experienced infant loss should just keep their mouths shut and that it's better for them just not to say anything at all.

WTF? Are you a total effing idiot? It's human nature to try to comfort someone whom has experienced a loss of any kind and not everyone knows how to cope with other people's losses. You've had time to cope with your loss with your support group partners, but not everyone else has. If you want to avoid the situation, stop introducing it to other people. They most likely would be much better off without you pushing your woes onto them as part of your selfish grieving process. Maybe you need to take a psychology class and understand the human condition before you start condemning people for their "unwarranted reactions" to your plight.

I've started calling these infant loss support groups "dead baby cults". That's almost what it is.. a cult. You see a Facebook friend post something on their status about baby loss accompanied by a bunch of her female friends posting comments. When you click on their profiles and view their photos, you're bound to be greeted by multitudes of pics of dead babies. It's almost as sickening as it is predictable.

So who grieves like that? Isn't there a better way that doesn't involve bring other people into the mix? Do you have to put your grief out there on your sleeve for everyone else to experience, as well? I don't want to sound insensitive, but you all have a lesson to learn in grieving.

Answer 1

Sweetie, losing a wanted baby is a very hard road to walk. Maybe you should not be so judgmental.

Answer 2

Pics of dead babies?

So, these parents of stillborn children should not have photographs of their children? If a loved one of yours died - would you destroy everything that was theirs, reminded you of them and all evidence of their life (photographs, letters, drawings) These women have nothing else!

The responses are very insensitive - any person with a brain would reply " I can't imagine what you went through" That was my first reaction and the absolute truth. Any idiot who replies "my dog died" deserves to feel like an idiot.

If you don't like seeing pictures of 'dead babies' why do you click on the profiles?

In all honesty - I feel you are blowing this out of proportion - exactly how many people do you know who have had children born sleeping? You act as if 20% of your friends post these images.



Simply put - No, there is no other way for them to mourn - sorry it intrudes on your precious life.

Answer 3

I dont believe there is such a thing as SELFISH GRIEVING. Secondly no for most people there IS NOT a way to grieve without "bringing other people into the mix" when you've lost someone you want others around to help you through it. You have aparently not lost anyone truely important to you and most especially you've never lost a child.

Answer 4

Why do you care? If you don't like these pictures don't look at them. I haven't seen things like this or lost a baby but I do know anyone who spends this much time writing about how much they hate grieving mothers way of coping with death needs to either grow up or get a more fulfilling life!

Answer 5

I go to church and one big thing is you cannot get through life without grieving it is part of human nature, it makes you stronger, the pain is deep but nothing can be deeper and to overcome grief is to go through it, you cannot cure it and you cant control it, all you can do is keep people close and grieve.

Answer 6

Have you ever been in that type of situation?



You don't know how these women feel. Maybe having pictures, forums, blogs and what nots are THEIR OWN WAY TO GRIEVE.



So leave these poor women and babies alone.