My son is still up SEVERAL times a night and I am to my breaking point?

Question

I don't know how many more nights I can do it. He is almost 6 months and he is still up every 30 minutes to 2 hours and the longest. All my friends have babies younger or around his same age and they have been sleeping through the night since 6 weeks old. I don't expect every 6 month old to sleep through the night, but to be up this many times without a long stretch is crazy. Last night we went to sleep about 8 and then was up at 9,10,10:30-12:30, 2, 2:30,4:30,5:30,6:00, 8:00. Don't suggest that he is not get full enough because he is started eating solids recently and that made no difference. If he does eat during the night when he wakes up it is only for a minute or so and then he drifts back to sleep, so he isn't actually eating to eat, but out of habit. I have tried letting him cry for a little bit even though I am anti-CIO and that just made him even more pissed off. I am to the point of wanting to rip my hair out because I am exhausted. He only takes cat naps during the day so I can't catch up on sleep then either. I have tried him sleeping in the bed with me, sleeping in a bassinet next to the bed, sleeping in his crib, sleeping in his swing, NOTHING works. It seems to be getting worse because he used to have a 4-5 hour stretch every night, but that hasn't happened in weeks. I took him to the doctor and she said there is nothing she can find wrong with him. Please, there has to be some help for me.

Answer 1

Welcome to my world, your son sounds just like mine. I was also anti-CIO although did end up trying it when my son was about your son's age. It was useless and didn't do a bit of good so don't bother. Do put him down and let him cry if you need a time out for yourself, I had to go to the bathroom and start the shower to drown out the noise for a minute to clear my head. I hate to say it but it just started to get better at 12 months when I started weaning. I coslept to deal with it until then. I went to sleep when my son did and just rolled over each time he woke up and fed until he passed back out. It kept his waking brief as well as mine. My son is breastfed and didn't care for bottles. At 12 months I started whole milk in a bottle at night if he woke up. The first night he screamed for 2 hours before taking the bottle. I offered comfort and rocking but no breast. I also moved him to a pack and play next to the bed to break my habit of just rolling over to nurse. For the entire night every time he woke I offered a bottle with milk and by the second night he just took the bottle when offered. Each night for a week he took just a bit less until he slept 6-8 hours solids. He has been doing it for a month now and I find that I still can't nurse him back to sleep at any point during the night without starting the habit all over again.



You can try this with pumped milk if you are breastfeeding or with a bottle of water if you use formula. Eventually they decide that waking for what they are offered just isn't worth it. I had tried this before when my son was younger although it didn't work. I may not have been desperate enough to stick it out though. The first week is exhausting so book yourself some help during the day to get a nap in if you decide to try it. My son was also a cat napper at that age. Keep his nap routine at home and consistant and it might get better. My son has never been one of those 2-3 hour nappers but did get up to a full hour twice a day.

Answer 2

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. If it makes your feel any better-My daughter is 12 months old and she's never slept more than 3 hours at once. Some nights she's up 6 or 7 times from the time she falls asleep at 7:30pm until we get her up to go to daycare in the morning at 5:30am. I work full time, so I don't even have the option of napping when my baby does. Plus I have a 3 year old who no longer takes naps, so even on weekends I don't get to sleep.



At my daughter's 12 month check-up, her DR told me basically to let her eat whatever she wanted throughout the day, and make sure her eating is NOT on a schedule. I guess if a baby is used to eating every 2-3 hours during the day, that can carry over into the night. So letting your son eat off a schedule could help. Once he's eating finger foods it will be even easier to let him eat whenever.



EDIT: Oh and her DR has assured us that she's healthy and normal. He said it's 100% normal and healthy for an infant less than 1 year old (and sometimes older) to wake several times a night for various reasons-To eat, to be held, etc.

Answer 3

I'm so sorry, you sound so frustrated. I don't know what your situation is, if you have a hubby or not to also get up and help. If you do then DEF. he has to help out.

I don't have any real suggestions because I am sure you have tried everything I can think of.

But you def. need a night off. Do you have anybody who could help? Keep him for a night. Or even for the day so you could try to sleep as much as you can? I didn't have the same problem but I did have sleeping issues. I am a very light sleeper and although my son would go back to sleep as soon as he was fed, it would take me a good hour to hour and a half to be able to fall asleep again. So sundays I would sleep the whole day and my husband would take over. And one whole day of sleeping was usually enough to recharge me for the week. It doesn't solve the problem, but it makes it more manageable while he either out grows it or you find a solution.

If nobody can help.. then you should probably try to CIO. Get a pair of earplugs, they don't block out the sound but they do muffle it so you can hear him and know he is ok. It sounds like a cruel solution. But if you get to the point that you are out of option then there is nothing much you can do. An overtired mom could be dangerous not to mention bad for your health. There will be a point where your body will just not respond.



Wether I have helped or not, I seriously wish you the best and hope your situation gets better.

Answer 4

OK, I have been where you are. Teething causes issues, but in my experience not that bad except for molars. My son started waking like this due to ear infections, which apparently you have ruled out, and just got in the bad habit. Self soothing is skill.

I was SO anit-CIO when my son was 6 months, I was militant. But then I got to where I truly couldn't function, and he was tired and whiny, instead of his usual happy self. We read the Healthy Sleep Habits books, and even though the method seemed AWFUL, it worked miracles. Yes he cried and I cried and it sucked worse than anything for a day or two. But, then guess what, he started sleeping, he was happy and energetic again, people said he was like a whole new baby, and I wasn't afraid I'd fall asleep and run off the road. And now he like his sleep, has slept well except for when molars came in the past 6 months.

Hey, I am not a fan of crying and would NEVER leave my son to cry in any other instance. But when you can't remember how to get your child in a car seat (my experience) something has to give. Its OK to change your mind-I still don;t think I'd let a younger baby CIO, there is a minimum age.

And remember what works for other may not work for you and your baby.

EDIT_ Daniel and Denise I agree with you-Daniel's right you will enjoy your son so much more if you are not on edge all the time.

If other moms have the endurance ot get up several times a night, and its not negatively effecting them, its none of my business. But you used the words "breaking point"-it sounds like you really need a change.

Answer 5

Could he be teething? My daughter was always up constantly 4-5 times a night when she was teething.

None of the teething stuff helped my daughter any either, but she acted like she was fine during the day and once we laid down for bed..the crying and not sleeping started..you might just have to wait it out and see..her sleeping went back to normal once the tooth was through we went weeks and weeks without any sleep it will eventually pass.

Answer 6

Have you tried anything for cholic? I used baby bliss gripe water and it just seems to settle thier tummies the first time i used it he slept through the night. Things will trun around chin up. O the gripe water u can only get in the pahrmacy its OTC but they sell it behind the counter. Hope this helps. Sounds like you are doing everything right ur being a good mother just hang in there.

Answer 7

Put him to sleep earlier. Supposedly babies who go to sleep earlier sleep better at night. When my son would constantly wake up during the night a trick I did was to turn on the hairdryer and that made him go right back to sleep. Babies just like whitenoise I guess....you could try some whitenoise with him too. Also, if hes waking up to eat just for a habit try substituting the formula with water isntead.

Answer 8

Ah... how familiar. Brayden does this too. At least you understand my frustration and why I'm on Myspace at 4am!



Someone suggested burrito wrapping Brayden before bed at night, and it's helped him sleep longer! It's working really well now, but he's still not sleeping through the night.



I wish I knew what to tell you sweetheart, but I really dont. It WILL get better though.

Answer 9

Ok this is going to be long so bear with me. I am going to have to assume some answers to some questions your question poses.



First you need to feed him when he wakes at night if it's been more than a few hours since his last COMPLETE feeding (See bellow for what I mean by complete) If he didn't have a complete feeding and it's been less than a few hours, he may need a feeding again.Hunger should be the only thing waking him, that or an uncomfortable wet diaper. When you feed him keep him awake. Undress him, rub his head, hand and feet, what ever.



If he is formula fed. Make sure he eats more per feeding. At this point he should finish about 6-8 oz per feedign and there should be about 6 feedings a day PLUS the solids. If he is bottle fed he should be sleeping at least 6-8 hours together at night.



If he is Nursed make sure he stays awake while feeding him. The above things work, he really ought to nurse about 10 minutes per side each feeding, in order to be more satisfide at night. Also If he is breastfed he should be waking only about every 4-6 hours (some even longer) at night. If he is breast fed it may be time to consider supplementing. Offer him a couple of ozs of banked breast milk or formula after each nursing. I know that for me at aobut 6 months of breast feeding my milk production is decreases.



Don't let him nap cat naps during the day. His pattern ought to be sleeping 8-10 hours at night waking 1 to 2 times to eat and get a wet diaper changed and about 2-3 naps a day of about 1-2 hours or less.



He is acting like a new born who can only eat about 3 oz at a time. They wake as often as they do under four months because thier tummies can only hold so much and once they digest it they're starving. I know you said not to answer feed hime more but that's most likely it.



More ideas:



He may need to be on his tummy. I realize they say that they should sleep on his back but he needs to sleep and he is old enough that problems from tummy sleeping on minamal.



Let him cry it out. He's old enough that when you know his diaper can't be too full, he just ate a ton you can let him cry it out. Too often we come running the instant they even wimper but he needs to learn night is sleepy time, not momy holding or patting or whatever he wants time. The first few noghts of letting him cry it out are really tough, but it does work. If you know there is nothing to be worng let him cry up to 15 minutes. If he still is crying, calm him down in whatever way you need to and then put him back down and give it an other 10-15 minutes of crying. Keep this up for as long as it takes. As long as there isn't anything wrong with him it probably wont bee more than a couple of hours. Then you both will be so tired he might sleep for a long time. If he does wake again and it's been more than 4 hours since his last feeding feed him and then put him down and let him cry it out again. I know it will be exauhsting the first few days to maybe even a week, but I promise that he won't do it as long as he learns you won't come running the instant he cries. The way he'll learn that is by you letting him cry it out. I seriously think it'll take more than a week of this. I did it with my son and it took 3 days.



If non of the above works. He might just have a sleep problem. Take him to the doctor and insist that you've tried everything and think he has a sleep problem.



BTW When he is crying it out, try to sleep, no baby monitor, close his and your door. It can be bad when Mommy has sleep depravation, that leads to Baby Shaken Syndrome. Not saying you'd ever do that, but sleep depravation causes people to go crazy.



I also suggest you get a grandma, baby's dad, or friend to help you with the crying it out time, or maybe just stay over once a week so you can get some sleep.

Answer 10

A baby quickly learns that as soon as he/she shouts, Mommy or Daddy comes running. My little one learned that very quickly and would cry as soon as I left the nursery every night. I ended up having to change my whole outlook on everything because I did want my baby to have a well-rested, healthy, happy Daddy. I'm a single dad, so I was the only one running when my baby was crying. When I was tired all the time, I wasn't paying as much attention to my baby, and I was actually starting to resent him.



I talked to his doctor who said that I should try feeding him more during the day so that he is not hungry during the night. Then, we developed an evening routine. I would bathe him in some lavender-scented baby wash, and I would follow it up with some lotion and rubbing his back while singing softly to him, and then it was bed time. He soon equated the back rubbing with sleep, and he would become very sleepy. At first, he would still wake up during the night. Sometimes, I would go in, check his diaper, and rub his back or belly some more and then leave. He would at least be calmed down by the time I left. However, other times I was forced to let him cry it out. I hated it. I felt so bad. But, it worked. He learned that I was not going to go to him as soon as he started fussing. If he cried for more than 10 minutes, I would go in. However, if he just wanted my attention, he would not cry for much more than 5 minutes. Then he began only crying when he truly needed me. Then, he began sleeping through the night. It took a couple of weeks, but it was worth it.

Answer 11

I would suggest trying to keep him awake for longer periods. If he is falling asleep during feeding, pull it away, sit him up, burp him, rub his back, then let him go back to eating. If he starts falling asleep again, do the same thing again. If he's only taking cat naps and not eating much, then he's not going to sleep for very long before he's hungry again. We had to do this with the twins because they would eat a bit here and there, fall asleep and then be hungry an hour later and with two of them doing this, it meant that one was awake almost the entire 24hrs. so no sleep for anyone. Good luck to you!

Answer 12

I have 5 kids and boy I know this is hard. My daughter was like that. I heard, and I know you don't want to hear it, but give him a bottle AND baby cereal just before bedtime. This helped her so much I couldn't believe it!!!! She slept all night from then on. Also, a warm bath before bed can help. At least try this and see. It can't hurt.



Good luck!!!

Answer 13

Ok, but how long did you really let him CIO? It sounds to me like he's just fussing and he knows that will get mama to come in and pay attention to him.



Seriously, next time, let him fuss it out -- and give it a good (timed!) 5 mintues before you even think of making a move towards the nursery.



I'm not a huge fan of the CIO method myself, but at the same time, baby's are master manipulators. I'm willing to bet he's perfectly fine (not crying from hunger or anything) and just does it to get your attention.



EDIT: Well said, Denise.

Answer 14

Sounds like you may be trying too many different things and then giving up on them and so nothing is working. You need to make a plan you can live with and stick with it till it works.



There is no reason for a 6 month old to be getting up that often and most likely he is continuing to do it because you are running to him. I understand that you don't believe in CIO, but what most people don't know is the person that came up wth CIO also had many other solutions to getting your child to sleep - not just that one method. His entire concept is that the child needs to learn to self-soothe and the only way they sometimes can learn this is by crying a bit. So, how are you going to teach your baby to learn to self-soothe? How are you going to stop the cycle of your baby needing you every 30 minutes? You have to decide yourself.



My suggestion would be to decide on where you want him to sleep, how often you think it is reasonable for him to wake up and then work with that. If you think he shoudl sleep in his crib, keep him in his crib, even if he cries. Don't pick him up, leave him there and console him while he's in his crib. You don't have to take him out to let him know you are there. If you think it is reasonable for him to be up every 2 or 3 hours, then take him out only those times.



It will take a couple of nights work, but it is doable. And it is WORK. There is no EASY solution to getting your child to break this habit and it is really up to you. It sounds to me like you really just need to "bite the bullet" 'and let your baby cry some. And if you say "that doesn't work" or "I don't believe in that method", then I don't know why you are asking advice here because it pretty much sounds like this is the only option you have left.



And for those that absolutely are against CIO, I just again and again think to myself, if I didn't let my baby cry some, he would never sleep! Last night we had some problems getting my 5 mo old to go to sleep. We let him cry for 4 minutes, and he fell asleep. I know so many moms would have been running to him at the first peep - and most likely up with him for hours trying to get him to sleep. Isn't 4 or 5 minutes of crying worth it? For your baby and for yourself?????



Edit - God, you thumbs down people are all so judgemental and unrealistic! 4 or 5 minutes of crying and you think it is torturing a baby. GIVE ME A BREAK. My baby had reflux the first 3 months of his life and would cry for HOURS non-stop no matter how much I tried to console him. I think after going thru that you would have a much more realistic idea of what is painful or uncomfortable for your child. A mom that can't let their 6 month old baby cry for 4 minutes is going to end up frazzled themselves with a whiny, needy, dependant child who can't sleep through the night till their 2 years old. And probably will be one of those parents that give into their children anytime their child whines or cries.



Expecting your 6 month old to sleep most of the night through is not unreasonable. Expecting a mother to get up every 30 minutes is.

Answer 15

Has he started waking more since you started solids? That's a pretty good sign that you may need to wait a bit longer.



My first was up every two hours until he was almost 2 years old, he had reflux and unless he nursed that often he would spit up stomach acid. I felt it was a small sacrifice to make on my part given the risks of the medications that might have done the same thing.



He's not waking out of habit -all adults wake 5-8 times a night they just don't remember it. He is just not going back to sleep without your help -which is perfectly normal for many babies. They can't walk, they can't feed themselves, they can't protect themselves from predators, heck they can't even keep themselves warm really its not surprising they depend on adults to help them sleep.



The real answer is that you need more sleep, and he needs more naps (which may help him sleep better at night). But the easiest thing to fix is you getting more sleep. That means that you need someone else to be "in charge" of him for several hours so that you can sleep. That's what hubby did for me. He was up until 1-2 am anyway because of his work schedule so he would always be in charge for 2-3 hours while I slept, of course sometimes the baby wouldn't take anyone but me but it helped.



I understand you are frustrated, but its really just because you are tired and you can help that. Once you are rested then you can start addressing his sleep habits but trust me if you are as frustrated as you are right now trying to get him to sleep more at night or nap longer in the day is going to just make things worse. Elizabeth Pantley's books work for many parents and is a "no cry method" she has a sleep book and one specifically for naps http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/advice/0071381392.php



http://www.drjen4kids.com/soap%20box/sleep%20stuff.htm

The stages of sleep, and there are more than just stage 4 and REM, are things we go through each night, but we go through them in cycles. Every 90 minutes of so we actually wake up, check out our surroundings and go back to sleep if everything feels safe. Awakening about 5-8 times a night is normal.



So, as sleep has developed, one of the major issues surrounding it is safety. We could comfortably enter stage 4 sleep because other people were around us to keep us safe, and at least one person was probably in lighter stages of sleeping so that they could warn us if tigers were around. That sense of connection is really important to us now even though we aren't really worried about predators. We were designed to be social sleepers.



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The sleep training techniques that have been sold in the US have never been shown to be associated with anything good for infants but it has been associated with bad stuff, like more anxious children and behavior disturbances. There is no emotional, social or intellectual benefit to the kids, nor has it ever been shown to help us develop into healthy adult sleepers.



So...we have to decide what we want from our kids sleeping through the night. I would guess that all the good things that we want for our kids' futures mean that we don't have them sleep through the night.



http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070200.asp

3. Babies have shorter sleep cycles than you do. Stand adoringly next to your sleeping baby and watch him sleep. About an hour after he goes to sleep, he begins to squirm, he tosses a bit, his eyelids flutter, his face muscles grimace, he breathes irregularly, and his muscles tighten. He is reentering the phase of light sleep. The time of moving from deep to light sleep is a vulnerable period during which many babies will awaken if any upsetting or uncomfortable stimulus, such as hunger, occurs. If the baby does not awaken, he will drift through this light sleep period over the next ten minutes, and descend back into deep sleep. Adult sleep cycles (going from light to deep sleep, and then back to light sleep) lasts an average of 90 minutes. Infants' sleep cycles are shorter, lasting 50 to 60 minutes, so they experience a vulnerable period for nightwaking around every hour or even less. As your baby enters this light sleep, if you lay a comforting hand on your baby's back, sing a soothing lullaby, or just be there next to baby if he is in your bed; you can help him get through this light sleep period without waking.



[...]



NIGHTTIME PARENTING LESSON #2:

Some babies need help getting back to sleep.



Some "resettlers" or "self-soothers" can go through this vulnerable period without completely awakening, and if they do wake up, they can ease themselves back into a deep sleep. Other babies need a helping hand, voice, or breast to resettle back into deep sleep. From these unique differences in sleep cycle design, we learn that one of the goals of nighttime parenting is to create a sleeping environment that helps baby go through this vulnerable period of nightwaking and reenter deep sleep without waking up.



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