I'm a young mother and my boyfriend is really abusive..please help?

2012-02-12 15:07:07 UTC

Make a plan on how to leave SAFELY. Don't just 'go now', and don't tell him you're leaving! Use your brains and get out while he's NOT there, or he might attack you. Abusers consider women their property, and they would rather kill you than see you free. Leave quietly without a confrontation if you can. Don't tell him you are leaving! The Woman's Shelter or other hotlines people have written the numbers in these answers can help you make a plan to leave. Leave when he's not there!

What you're going to take? Where can you stay? Can you get the money out of the bank account -- not too early so he sees it, and not too late so he pulls it out himself -- so you have something to live on? Take the car if you can. (He won't need it in jail).

If he cries, wants you back, buys you a present, says he will change know that is part of the cycle and only temporary. Only agree to even see him after he has sucessfully finished anger management and counseling for his impulsive behavior.

Never get backed in a corner with him and your baby alone once you leave. Get a restraining order from the judge, and start divorce proceedings so he knows you are serious about not accepting his behavior. Only see him with someone who can protect you, and in public, if at all, and then only after he has been treated for his insane and criminal behavior. Get a divorce if he refuses to get treatment in 6 months, proceed with your plans

What he has done is against the law. He would be locked up if he tried to strangle or beat or rape someone on the street! Well, he needs to be locked up for trying it at home! Press charges to help him understand that so he doesn't try it with someone else!

Choking and hitting at your head is a bad sign - police studies show that means there is a good possibility he will try to kill you, so you must go sooner rather than later, but do so safely!

2012-02-12 23:02:23 UTC

As a nurse that has specialized training in dealing with domestic violence cases, let me tell you some facts of life that you are not understanding.

#1 Your parents were crazy for letting you move out at 15 in with a man. That is crazy. You got pregnant obviously, only three months after seeing him. Your parents did you a GRAVE injustice to where you felt like you had to move in with this loser rather than stay at home and make the best of it.

#2 He doesn't care about your health. Anyone that would run off and leave a woman that just had a baby that is still in pain, is a POS in my book. I don't care if you like it or not..that is what he is.

#3 The sexual abuse that you have suffered is a NORMAL PROGRESSION of domestic violence. It starts off mental, then physical, then sexual.

LET ME TELL YOU WHAT COMES NEXT....YOU'LL FIND THE COURAGE TO LEAVE THIS ABUSIVE LOSER WHEN YOU COME HOME AND FIND OUT HE HAS BEAT UP YOUR BABY...THAT IS ASSUMING THAT YOUR BABY EVEN SURVIVES THE ATTACK.

Call your Mommy and Daddy, take your daughter, get a restraining order AND GO BACK HOME.

THAT is how you provide a LIFE for your daughter. Your daughter doesn't need him and you have a very warped sense of a what a relationship is supposed to be like.

GET OUT NOW.

Ellen

2012-02-12 23:44:31 UTC

Get out as safely and as quickly as you can and STAY AWAY. This is not the "loving partner" that you are hoping for, and he will most likely never be able to be what you want. And I would be very concerned that he will harm the baby next.

As soon as you are somewhere safe with your daughter, get a restraining order so that he cannot approach you or your daughter and if he does, call 911 IMMEDIATELY! Also, see if you can get charges reinstated. Make sure that if he ever hurts you-in any way-again, it is documented so that it can be used against him if necessary.

waterlin

2012-02-12 23:23:41 UTC

you need to get yourself and your baby away from josh. sorry, but from what you are telling us here, he sounds like a dangerous @sshole.

so he pushed you down the stairs and choked you While You Were Pregnant. he raped you while you are still healing from giving birth, and beat you really bad.

leave him Immediately! yes, your daughter needs a father and you need a Loving partner. seriously, can you not see this guy is nothing but an abusive jerk? if he loved you even a teeny little bit he would not do any of that to you!

if you won't get out for your own sake, do it for your daughter. i will pray for you!

Mama Bear21

2012-02-12 22:38:05 UTC

What if he starts beating and rapping your daughter? Are you going to allow that? GET OUT your daughter needs a loving ENVIRONMENT not an abusive father. Leave him. Go back to your parents. Tell them what happened and GET OUT. Call the hot-lines on abuse. It's nothing to be taking lightly!

"My daughter needs her father and i need a loving partner"

Seriously? He's not loving and chances are he treats you that way he's going to treat your daughter the same way. Are You going to stand up for her? Does she mean enough to you? You say your not a child then act like an adult and do the adult thing by taking your daughter and getting the heck out of there!!!!!!!!!

20 years of snow

2012-02-12 22:58:57 UTC

hi laila, i am so sorry you're going through this. please know that NONE of it is your fault. none of the choices you have made have meant that you are asking to be treated this way. what he is doing is exactly what you said - abusing you.

i agree with others that it would be incredibly damaging for your baby girl to grow up in this kind of abusive environment. and, i know that just leaving is not as easy as it sounds.

can you talk to your parents about this? you said you are emancipated, so i don't know what kind of a relationship you have with them, but maybe you and/or your daughter could stay with them as a temporary solution. do you have other trusted friends or family who live near you?

i would start by calling a domestic violence hotline and getting connected to support in your area. a trained counselor can help you figure out what your choices are and support you in getting into a safer situation. my roommate volunteers with a partner abuse hotline and i can assure you that people who answer hotlines are not judging you.

here's a hotline for teen dating violence:

1-866-331-9474

or text "loveis" to 7754.

these are from the loveisrespect.org website, where you can also live-chat with someone to get help.

here are some safety planning tips i found on the website for the alabama coalition against domestic violence:

Safety Planning for Teens

You should think ahead about ways to be safe if you are in a dangerous or potentially dangerous relationship. Here are some things to consider in designing your own safety plan.

-What adults can you tell about the violence and abuse?

-What people at school can you tell in order to be safe--teachers, principal, counselors, security?

-Use a buddy system for going to school, classes and after school activities.

-What friends can you tell to help you remain safe?

-If stranded, who could you call for a ride home?

-Keep a journal describing the abuse.

-Get rid of or change the number to any beepers, pagers or cell phones the abuser gave you.

-Keep spare change, calling cards, number of the local shelter, number of someone who could help you and restraining orders with you at all times.

-Where could you go quickly to get away from an abusive person?

-What other things can you do?

also, check out the message board on abusive relationships at scarleteen [3rd link below]. helpful advice from peers as well as trained adults.

best of luck!

Sandra Stewart

2012-02-12 22:43:07 UTC

LEAVE! Front stay! That is a horrible thong to happen to you and your daughter! Go pack right now and get out. There are many resources trouble help you out. Please I cannot stress it enough! Call the cops, reinstate the charges, get a restraining order and press the new charges!

2012-02-12 23:20:46 UTC

Well I don't know where you live but my husband is a police amd he is tracking the address to where this compture is at and he will deal with this I'm sooo sorry honey I hope you and your baby is ok ps it is your profile picture your daughter she is absolutely gorgeous my husban is going to help it might take a couple of hours but he will help

lovely028

2012-02-12 23:25:30 UTC

i was in your situation once. me and my bf got in an argument n he headbudded me, bit my lip, etc....we were outside when tis happened, but there was nno one around n i yelled out and someone heard me and called the cops. the cops came and took him..he spent 3 days in jail. we had several court meetings about the inciddent and one court meeting concerning child custody. to cut a long story short, he gave his life to christ and i came back to him and i forgive him for the wrongs he's done to me. we still go through our ups and downs but he wont ever hit me or make me feel bad. but i think that u should leave this guy and stay with your parents (because ur parents love u no matter what) this guy seems streesed out because he wants his old life back.

2012-02-12 22:34:51 UTC

Leave him or he will kill you and the baby,call the police,you can't change him as every woman killed by a boyfriend would tell you if they could.

?

2012-02-12 22:35:36 UTC

Get out NOW! It's only going to get worse, and you can NOT expose your baby to that kind of abuse; worse yet, she will grow up believing that's how relationships are SUPPOSED to be (if she is even allowed to grow up at all). Please leave NOW.

?

2012-02-12 22:36:27 UTC

reinstate charges. he has a problem.

find somewhere else to live. it may get worse.

?

2012-02-12 22:37:39 UTC

Find someone else