Mothers, did you feel any shame when you were giving birth?

Question

I know many people will say that this is a silly question, but I bet that at least some of those people are hypocritical.

Yes, giving birth is a natural process, just like having sex, eating or performing your urinary and intestinal needs...

But will you deny that social precepts often don't make some acts more constraining?

Having sex in the first times can be inhibiting...

How about giving birth, in the presence of a certain amount of people (even though they are doctors or nurses, and so are for sure already used to this)?

Besides of that, I've also heard that women can have a poo (or fart) during childbirth...

Be sincere about this... After all, you are on the Internet (and I would never ask this in real life either...)

Answer 1

When you get to the hospital and get admitted for labor, let your nurse know your concerns. It is OK. She will help to preserve your privacy as much as possible. She can perform exams, change pads, check bleeding...discretely & without exposing you.



It also helps to not have a room full of people while you are laboring. That way, you don't have to worry about being embarassed in front of people you know. Friends & family have a way of bringing things up later. Leave them at home!



I disagree with some of the comments that you should not be embarassed. Some people are just modest. This will not make you a bad mother! Jeesh! You can even breastfeed without exposing anything. It is just how you are. It is OK.



Some people don't like any clothing during labor and rip it off! You might surprise yourself :) Talk with your coach/husband whoever will be with you. Tell them what YOU want so that they can be your advocate during labor.



Good luck. Your baby will love you either way! Sophie

Answer 2

I am an extremely modest person, and I was concerned about having all those strangers watching me while I gave birth. I would've been perfectly happy giving birth at home, quite honestly!



However, I had some complications with both my previous pregnancies, and ended up at the hospital. With my first, I did ok all the way to 10 cm dialation - didn't have to "assume the position" or anything, and was subjected to exams like what I'd gotten at the OB, so it was no biggie. Back labor got to be too much, so I received an epidural. By the time my baby was actually born, the epidural was wearing off, I'd been vomiting, and I didn't care who was in there as long as I could be done, already! I had a forceps delivery, and there were probably 15-20 people in the room, and I swear, I did not care. Yes, I had a moment when I wondered what they were all doing, but I really did not care that they were all focused on a normally very private part of me.



With my 2nd, I expected that many in the delivery room again, but my baby came so fast, there was only the midwife and one nurse, and then a prenatal nurse was called in after the birth. Once again, I was just worried about delivering, so I didn't care what they were looking at. :o)



Don't worry, once hard labor kicks in, your inhibitions will disappear!

Answer 3

I didn't have shame with either of my children. But during the birth of my first her head was out so the doctor was telling me not to push (to do the suctioning) and I heard my mother in the hall screaming why are they telling her not to push... I freaked out and yelled at the nurses to shut the door.

Two months ago at the birth of my second baby I was again told to not push because the doctor wasn't there yet. And my mom got to the hospital. I'm in excrutiating pain since I didn't have an epidural, and I hear my mom say don't you want me in there. UMMM no i didn't the first time and I don't want you there now either.

I pooped both times. Just a little. You can't help it. There's so much blood and other gross stuff the poo is the only normal looking thing that just came out of your body. Most nurses clean it up before you can even see it. With my second I had her before the doctor showed up so I just had her on the intake bed. I had no stirrups or anything. I just put my legs to the sides and she fell out in two pushes. I got to the hospital at a 10. I don't really recommend getting there that late.

Answer 4

No, I felt no shame. But then I've spent years in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy healing from my childhood. I don't really carry any of those hangups about my body. I've attended many births also, which gives you a respectful perspective about the human body. I think "shame" is a left-over from decades past when women were made to feel less than they are -- when "great" men *had* to assist women through childbirth as they certainly could not do so without the aid of a man (please note the dripping sarcasm). Shame has no place in the vicinity of the birth of a child. I've watched other women urinate and pooh while straining to birth their babies. It is neither gross nor disgusting and certainly not shameful. The effort and the desire for their baby is so strong that such thoughts don't even enter their (nor my) mind. As an attendant, you simply keep the area clean and be supportive and encouraging.

Answer 5

Yes, there are embarrassing aspects to giving birth. What you have to consider is the fact that when a woman is in labor her mind is focused on that and that alone, not all of the "gross or embarassing stuff" that comes along with it.



Most woment will tell you that no matter the birthing situation, they would let anyone in to the labor room as long as that person could help get the baby out faster. Nothing else has priority at that monent. Everything else is up to the doctors and nursing staff.

Answer 6

Well during labor it was just me, my mom,my baby's dad, a nurse and a Dr(at the last min) and no at the time of birth I didn't feel weird I had an oxygen mask on and I thought I had really bad breath but no it wasn't that and no one said it was the one of the more embarrassing things that can come with labor. Lets just say I had an epidural and couldn't feel anything from the waist down and you use the same muscles to push. Yes after I realized what the smell really was and my son's father told me I was really embarrassed still am.

Answer 7

No way. It hurts like hell and all you're interested in is getting that baby out. It's the most amazing experience in the whole world though. Why be ashamed of it? It's a natural process. I'm sure women have been pooping during childbirth since the beginning. That's not what people talk about afterwards though...

Answer 8

I've never given birth birth before so I can't say whether or not I would feel ashamed.... but I have always imagined it to be a beautiful, natural process that almost every woman will experience at least once in their life, so no, I don't think its shameful. I've had 3 miscarriages and while I was miscarrying and while they were investigating the causes of my miscarriages I was poked, prodded and x-rayed in places you don't want to imagine and I never thought of it as embarrassing, it was just something that had to be done. I've also heard that women can poo and fart during childbirth but seriously, think about it. Your spouse is going to be there (he won't care), and a team of medical professionals (they've seen it all before) so thats the best people to do it infront of as opposed to pooing in public in front of strangers.

Answer 9

There is no modesty regarding pregnancy or childbirth. The staff and doctors in the room with you have seen it ALL before and I'm sure not a whole lot would have them take a second look.



You, on the otherhand, if this is your first, no ammount of preperation is gunna get you ready for what you're about to do. I read all the books, took all the advice....nothing has ever or will ever compare to pushing a 6 1/2 pound person out of your va-jay-jay. Nothing. Feeling ashamed is gunna be the LAST of your thoughts while you're 10cm dilated.



: )

Answer 10

You know...you would think that being half or completely naked in front of people you dont know would make you embarassed or whatever.



But your mind is elsewhere. Nature does a thing on your mind set to keep you from worrying about things like that. Your mind is concerned with the birht of your child, not that your naked.



As for having a bowel movement while pushing..yes it happens and you probably wont even know it happened. Nurses usually whisk that away without a hint that something happened.



The only thing I was adamant about was NO CAMERAS....I dont want to see myself later..thats when the embarassment would come in for me.



Shame is a different emotion...I would hope no one would feel SHAME in its true sense when giving birth. Embarassment might be more common.

Answer 11

Hmmm have you had children.. there is no shame in it at all... When you go into labor and you first get to the hospital yah.. it's a little awkward.. but by the time you are almost dilated to a 10 and you have been in labor for over 8 hours.. you could care less about poop.. a room full of people... all you want is to see your baby safe and out of your body!!! Your so over whelmed with the safety of your child and the discomfort your in you don't have shame....

you also loose shame from going to the doctor twice a month and having her jam her hand up in you to check your cervix... or pap smears...

It's not shame it's the just not the pretty side to child birth...

Any mom who's had a baby hold no shame over it... only maybe they hold shame for the fact they told there husband were he could shove his love and turn it side ways and to go **** him self... but that is a diff situation.

Answer 12

Honestly I was very nervous about "having everything hang out" in front of a bunch of strangers. but when you are giving birth you inhibitions are the last thing on your mind. Yes you can have bowel movements during pushing but the nurses are very discreet and I had no idea that I had until I asked my husband. And it wasn't like I dropped a big load on the table he said they were just little pellets. It makes sense though considering all the pressure that is on you bowels between contractions and the weight of the baby something is bound to pop out :) At that point you just want the baby out and that is all you think about not who is look between your legs!

Answer 13

I am have a great laugh with your question. When I gave birth to my daughter, my biggest fear was to have some sort of bowel movement or gas blow out of me with all the pushing.



The doctors and nurses, have seen it all. You would be amazed and the little jokes they will tell you during your special hour. Stories that make you laugh but also help calm your nerves down.



If you feel constipated, let them know when you arrive, and they can give you something to help jump start your bowels, getting them cleaned out before the baby comes.



=)



Thankfully I didn't have any blunders like that. Only when the after birth came out, I was in shock of how weird that part of it was.

Answer 14

shame not so much. more embarassment. i mean everyone family, doctors and nurses all get to see "you" in a very compromising way. now given it is a natural process and if i were lucky enough to witness child birth in person i would not think anything of the embarassing things that could or would happen because i know they are natural and uncontrollable. i have had two kids. and both times i had a room full of family and friends. and both times sure i was a little embarassed but never once did anyone in the room make me feel that way. they were all wonderful and supportive.

Answer 15

There was absolutely no shame for me. By the time you have the baby you are used to being examined and poked and prodded with no regard to modesty. I tried not to think of it as my body but my baby's life support. Also you get so into the birth process you really don't think about such things. If for some reason you are uncomfortable limit the number of people that are around you. People forget they are in charge of there delivery. The nurses are there to assist you not order you around. You are the boss.

Answer 16

I did not feel any shame at all and it saddens me that women would. It is such a beautiful and empowering experience. My hospital birth experiences we very bad, and I was not treated well. I plan on having home births from now on and look forward to that so much. I know that it will be a more empowering experience, much better than my hospital births, because I will not have the hospital setting and staff to intimidate me. Instead of it being about hospital policy, it will be about me, which it should be as I am the one giving birth!

Answer 17

You aren't going to care - all you're going to care about is having labor be over! You don't care who is in there, who is watching - my only concern was that my husband had better be pushing on my back harder because that was the only thing that made the pain bearable. I had back labor 4 times and no drugs. I thought I didn't want any other men in there because I had used midwives and had home birth 2 times, but with baby #3, I was in the hospital, I had 2 drs (one was a male resident dr) and He ended up holding one of my legs and was there for the whole show and I could have cared less! He cried tears of joy with us when our daughter was born and told us how beautiful she was, etc... (he and his wife were trying) I am a fairly modest person, but in labor - all you think about is not being in pain and delivering your baby safely. I seriously only had a good experience each time, having my 4 children.

If you think you're going to be really distracted in labor by extra people, put that in a written birth plan - "I only want my husband, my doctor, one nurse and that's it - as long as everything is progressing and there is no emergency"

When I had my daughter, we only had 2 drs and 1 nurse and one dr was being trained. They had asked me if it was okay for him to be included and I admired him as a person, so I thought it would be fine. I also had been in labor 2 times before and knew when it got down to pushing I wouldn't care who was in there.

You have to realize that the professionals you have surrounding you when you have that baby have seen it all! Bodily functions which you seem to be embarrassed about are EXPECTED to happen during birth - think about it. When a mom is pushing with all of her might to give birth to a child who weighs 6-10 lbs, do you honestly think you can control not pushing anything else out from other places? It cannot be helped and the drs, midwives and nurses all realize this. No one will say anything to embarrass you - they are there to help you and your baby be safe.

It's something all of us have thought about with #1, you don't know what to expect and you read things. Don't worry about it - I can assure you, all of this is going to be the last thing on your mind when you're in labor. Surround yourself with a support system - someone who is there to make sure your wants and needs are being addressed, like a Doula or something. That would be a big help. You're going to need to focus, relax, have peace, etc... so whatever you need to have that - set it up for yourself and you'll be fine

Best Wishes!

Answer 18

It's not how the books and movies tend to convey it put it this way! I did feel shame to a degree, but you tend to forget about all of that as you go through the motions of labour, and the result at the end doesn't allow you to dwell on it too much. I found breastfeeding really weird though, I didn't like it at all, and I was made to feel really bad about it by certain people; but once you have been through it you come out a stronger person and don't tend to dread smear tests so much!

Answer 19

Well, I'm a mandatory cesarean after a classical w/ my first... but let me tell ya that being awake and hearing some guy slosh around in your guts is no walk in the park!!!



Nor is having a catheter placed while you watch one nurse hike your leg up in the air while you watch another put a tube up your urethra... fun stuff huh?



Shame though... not really, afterall if you keep in perspective it is all natural stuff and like you said they're all drs & nurses it's easier to be just a little uncomfortable or feel wierd and not truly feel shame.

....... but that's me :)

Answer 20

Not at all. Doctors and nurses have seen it all. You have limited control over body functions when you are pushing that baby out, and the birth process is not supposed to be a clean, bloodless, event. Yes, you'd rather not fart or poop or bleed, put that's just how labor and birth are.

Answer 21

I did not feel any shame when giving birth to my children. It was after they were born and every nurse in the hospital thought she had to look in your panties. That bothered me alot. I didn't poo or fart during childbirth but if I had I would have just died!

Answer 22

I was shy at first, and had been shy during my OB visits, but when it came time to get my baby out, all modesty went out the window during those 17.5 hours. I had no choice then..and yes, I did have a small bowel movement because they tell you to push like you're having one. You release gas because your body is relaxing and pushing so much, but my nurse was nice and explained to me why I had no control about these things. I vomited, even, and didn't care.



It's sad that society makes us so ashamed of things that are so natural. It's appalling that breastfeeding can be seen as a "taboo" act nowadays too.

Answer 23

Having sex, pooping, and eating do not involve agonizing endless pain, nor do they result in the greatest sense of relief and satisfaction known to man kind. You cant compare it to those acts that we do or dont do in public, theyre not even remotely related.



I was not ashamed in the least bit about giving birth. It was all goo, vagina and blood and I wouldnt have cared at all if they brought in the high school marching band. During labor I wanted certain people there, but after 37 hours of labor, and 6 1/2 hours of hard pushing I didnt give a flying crap about anything but having that baby in my arms.



Birth is freaking amazing. That person should NOT fit out of that hole. And the fact that a mother subjugates herself to that torture and sees it through to the end is absolutely heart wrenching.



Women who are ashamed to give birth should not be having children, in my oppinion. There are some things about being human that will always remain raw and unrefined, and that alone is enough to make them awesomely amazing.



I dont think women should be laying in the street horking out kids, but in the hospital around professionals and loved ones all bets are off. Theres no shame in giving life to another human being.

Answer 24

i really thought i would.. I was planning on asking the doctor to cover everything so no one would see it.. I was going to ask the nurse to take me somewhere private for any repair work..



Then that moment came.. the epidural didn't work and i was screaming " Hurry the heck up!!!!" Forgot about my requests and all i wanted to do is to feel some relief.. After the baby came all i could see was his eyes, and didn't notice that everything else was already done =]

Answer 25

the only time I really felt ashamed was of myself and my poor attitude. I yelled at my husband and hurt his feelings. after that I didn't feel shame.

I did fart and it was embarasing, but I didn't feel shame. Heck, I vomited and peed on the delivery room floor. The nurse (Danni was awesome) said that she has seen it all and it was nothing to worry about. It happens. I was too busy trying to get my daughter into this world to let the people comming in and out bother me.

Answer 26

ZERO SHAME!!! You are WAY too busy thinking about your baby and the fastest way to get your baby OUT!! I don't think I would want a bunch of my relatives watching me but just the important people like Daddy and maybe your mother but the doctors have seen it ALL so they are used to it and they are prepared for anything to happen. Good Luck!

Answer 27

My sincere and honest answer is NO, I didn't feel ashamed. Why would I?? those Dr and nurses bring babies into the world every few hours every day!! They are used to do this and they are professionals....you won't be thinking about it when 10cm dilated contractions are hitting you!! you will just want the baby out!

Answer 28

The hospital staff has seen it all......have had 3 vaginal deliveries(one er section) and have pushed out gas along with baby. This last time around I pushed out so much gas i wanted to apologize while in labor and then thought why I'm pushing hard like they told me too!!!LOL When I seen my OB the next day I secretly wondered If he remembered for like 2 seconds and then though who cares

Answer 29

when anticipating the birth of course we are all thinking it's going to be embarrassing



but....when you are in the middle of transitional labor....in PAIN....and no way to control it...and that baby is coming out full speed ahead is when a laboring mother is in her own little world



the ONLY think that concerns you is getting past the next contraction....and you will have your partner and med staff there cheering you on



so all inhibitions are lost honey.....sincerely

Answer 30

No shame at all and I am an extremely private person. I don't even like people hugging me unless I know them, let alone seeing down there. But, when my son was ready to come out, I would have invited in a mob if it helped to get him out faster!

Answer 31

I felt embarrased when they put me for labour cause there were soooo many people passing around and watching at me(nurses,doctors etc) but when the labour began I totally forgot about them.I think that it's natural to feel ashamed at first.Just don't think about it

Answer 32

i must admit i did feel shamed at the thought of it. but once i was in labour. all them thoughts fly out ur head. u open ur legs to the world and his wife as long as they help u get over the labour and childbirth..lol. only once ur back on the ward does the shame set back in..lol did for me anyway..

Answer 33

None at all. By the time it was pushing the whole world could have been watching and I wouldn't have noticed or cared. I was to busy to care what anyone else was thinking.

Answer 34

No, shame at all. This should be a beautiful experience. Poo or farting as you say is also , only natural.

Answer 35

No shame. When you're in all that pain, you don't care who sees down there, what happens down there or anything - just as long as the pain goes away and you get to see your beautiful reward - your baby!!!!

Answer 36

Honey, I've always said being a mama (giving birth and beyond) is a beautiful thing, but it ain't pretty!

Answer 37

none at all. you ar ein pain and your focus is on pushing that baby out of you!!!! theres no time for that, and all the doctors and nurses are so professional and most have been there themselves. so nothing to worry about!

Answer 38

Not an ounce of shame...untill after when my boyfriend told me I was swearing like a sailor. LOL.

Answer 39

Ummmmm...trust me...when you are giving birth - and you are in that much pain..

you could care less about anything or what anybody thinks!!!!!!!!!!!!

so- no, i did not feel shame.

Answer 40

No, I was much too busy to worry about that at the time.

Answer 41

I did....twice....but I just want to have the procedure done ASAP so I try not to think about it.

Answer 42

do you feel ashamed when you see doctor when you are sick?



do you feel ashamed when you have injections?



do you feel ashamed when you are still a baby and 1st time came out from your mom's womb?