Do you think that it's wrong for a mother to work outside the home?

Question

I've been happily married to my sweetheart for 11 (almost 12) years, and we have 4 children. I retired from the military in 2009, with a Bachelors Degree in Nursing from Old Dominion University. Before I left the military, I decided to continue my education and pursue a Masters Degree as a Nurse Practitioner. I graduated from ODU, and passed my NP boards in 2011.

During the two years I was in my NP program at ODU, I didn't work outside the home. I have to be honest, I didn't like being a stay at home mom. I've been employed full time as a Nurse Practitioner at a local urgent care, for over a year now. I don't have to work at night, weekends or on federal holidays. I'm also very lucky in a few other ways as well. Our house, our children's school, the children's daycare, and my job are all within 3 blocks of each other. Another plus is that my husband (who is still on active duty), is stationed at a base that is less then 5 minutes from where we live.

I had someone tell me that I was a horrible mother for choosing to work outside the home. And I should be ashamed for letting someone else raise my children. One more then one occasion, I had to bite my tongue, and walk away. This person that I'm talking about is a very influential person in the church where my family and I have been attending for over 10 years. I have to keep reminding myself that God gave me a tongue for professing, not profanity.

Do you think that it's wrong for a mother to work outside the home? Please be honest, but don't be rude. Thank you.

Answer 1

Sometimes religious people are the biggest hypocrites. I would ignore them. It would be hard to raise 4 kids on one income from the military so I think you are doing the right thing. As long as when you get home you are being a mom then you are having a hand in raising your kids. Hell hundreds of years ago nannies were the ones raising kids and not the mothers. Only time a mother raised her own kids was if she lived out in the boonies and was dirt poor.

Answer 2

I stayed at home with my children until they were all in school. I did this because I did not want someone else raising my children. With all due respect, your children ARE being raised by someone else. The values that they have are what your children will be instilled with. It will not be yours. Being around your children from 5 o'clock in the evening until bedtime ( around 8) is only 3 hours in your presence. The daycare has influence for about 8 or 9 hours each and every day. No matter who you choose to watch your children, it will be t-h-a-t person who has the most influence over your children.



I can understand the dislike of being a stay at home mother. It can be tiring to always be with small children.... but they are YOUR children, and that should be the focus. You are not at the daycare, so you have no idea what or how your children are being treated or guided. You do not get to see what really happens .... only what the daycare provider wishes you to see and think. There are some great daycare providers out there, and there are some that should not be allowed to care for even an animal.



Your decision to work is yours. No decision is ever the perfect one... each decision will come complete with it's own set of negatives. You are not a horrible mother for choosing to work outside of the home. I would say that 80% of women now work and bring their babies to daycare. I was one of those daycares.... I chose to open my home to other children, and that was my income until my children were in school full time. Maybe that is not for you. That is OK. In today's society, it is completely accepted for a woman to go to work 6 weeks after her baby is born. It is not like you are the only one. I would go to that person who told you this and ask them if they tell this to ALL of the working mothers in the church. So what if they are "influential" in the church. What does that mean? And how can it affect you? Stand up for yourself. You do not have to use profanity, but you need to let this person know that it is none of their business how you choose to spend your time. They are judging you... and THAT is UNACCEPTABLE too. I would go to the pastor and have a nice sit down and let the pastor know that this is what is going on. You do not have to be under anyone's thumb at a church. Do not allow that "influential" person ( they must give the most money... and that is the truth if they can act like that to others and get away with it) or a pastor to tell you what to do. YOU choose. And if you choose to work, then hold your head up high and do not let anyone bring your choice into question. God is who you worship.... never a man.... not even a pastor. There may be a reason why God has you working. There may be a reason why you were challenged. Look inside of yourself. Ask God WHY this happened. He will show you. When your heart is at peace, then you will know that you are where you are supposed to be.... no matter what anyone else thinks.

Answer 3

I really admire how you have made the very best of compromises to suit both you and your family. Where a mom can work in a way that suits her family (as you are doing), seems to me to be an ideal situation.



I gave up work when I had my first child. I never planned to, but my husband was determined. I loved those early days at home with my kids. BUT it was hard work, exhausting, totally non-rewarding, and isolating. When my children were older I found I had fallen off the career ladder. In my experience, women who are full time housewives and do nothing else, tend to be less respected by their husbands. Now there are exceptions to this, but they are few and far between. Also, I have come across a lot of cases (and my own experience), where the husband's career falters, and it creates a lot more stress if the wife can't help out financially.



So be confident in what you are doing. Be proud. Go, girl, go!

Answer 4

No. Just their close-minded opinion. Ignore it as best you can.



*Next time this woman or anyone from the church says anything. Remind them of this. The bible speaks about a virtuous woman doing whatever it takes to take care of the family.



Proverbs 31 speaks of “a wife of noble character.” Starting at verse 11, the writer praises this woman as one who does everything in her power to care for her family. She works hard to keep her house and her family in order. Verses 16, 18, 24, and 25 show that she is so industrious that she also moonlights with a cottage industry that provides additional income for her family. This woman's motivation is important in that her business activities were the means to an end, not an end in themselves. She was providing for her family, not furthering her career, or working to keep up with the neighbors. Her employment was secondary to her true calling—the stewardship of her husband, children, and home.



The Bible nowhere forbids a woman from working outside the home. However, the Bible does teach what a woman’s priorities are to be - Family first.



If your family is in no way neglected due to your job. Then nothing about this is wrong.

Answer 5

A customer at work told me I was committing child abuse for putting my child in childcare, but my daughter is happy and I am a wonderful mother. When I was home full time I don't think I was as good of a mother because I was lonely and depressed being stuck at home without any adult interaction. Now I treasure my time with my daughter and I know that her childcare provider is helping me raise her the same way I would if she was home with me.

Answer 6

Its not wrong just as its not wrong to be a sahm. To me if you have children then you should at least stay home until they are in school. They are young for but a short season. It doesnt make you a bad mom to work, thats just your choice. I wouldnt let others opinions bug you. Opinions are like noses..everyone has one.

Answer 7

no. i see nothing wrong with what you are doing. as long as your children are cared for and you still see them, then what's the big deal? don't let ppl get under your skin. a woman of faith should know that the only person that should judge us is God. :)

Answer 8

No its better it shows you have initiative to juggle work and family unlike most lazy mums these days. Ultimately your children will be proud of you too