do you think its rude to show up at someone's house without calling first?

Question

my sister in law is in town and today she just came to my house without calling first. I just had a baby so i'm busy and tired and i don't have the patience for surprise guests. I wasn't dressed or anything. also a few days ago she called and told me she'd be at our house in 2 minutes. she didn't ask to come by, she just said i'll be there in 2 minutes and she hadn't said anything about coming by that day either. isn't this a bit rude?

also, she continuously rang the doorbell, then called when i didn't answer (so yes she has a cell phone) and i may have just been drowsy because me and the baby were finally getting a nap but i think she twisted the doorknob when i didn't answer. but i'm not sure.

Answer 1

Ugh..I had to deal with this a lot when our baby was brand new. I hated it and people think the rules don't apply to them when they want to see the baby! I put a sign on my door that said "baby's sleeping, no drop-bys now, please don't knock or ring the bell" I also left a pad of paper with a pen so people could leave notes. Some people thought it was rude of me to do, but really it seemed as soon as my baby would get to sleep someone would knock or ring the bell. It became unbearable. And I didn't waver on this. If I had the note out and someone knocked or rang the bell, I absolutely would not answer the door. And I always turned my ringers off so we wouldn't be disturbed. After a couple of days, everyone started calling before they came over and I could set the visitation schedule that was good for me and the baby. It's only fair! Your baby needs sleep. And you do too.

good luck

Answer 2

It really depends on the context of the relationship. There are some people that I probably wouldn't mind them stopping by anytime. (of course those usually end up being the ones that have the sense to call regardless!)



When you've just had a newborn it is ABSOLUTELY rude to not call before coming. I think that is really really rude. I would speak to her about it as calmly as possible. Use the baby as an out if you must. "Baby was just getting down for a nap and I needed to get x,y,z done. It would really work best if you could ring and ask first before coming over."



SOunds like she's in from out of town so hopefully you won't have this problem much longer but seriously... sometimes you wonder where people think that kind of stuff is alright.



Congrats on the little one and good luck.

Answer 3

You completely just described my sister in law. After I finally had enough of her randomly showing up on our doorstep, my husband told her she needed to call first. So apparently to her, this meant pulling into our driveway, then calling to announce that she's here, then coming to the door and knocking. I was not amused by that either. She never got a clue and couldn't understand how it could possibly be a 'bad time' for her to show up with her bratty, undisciplined 2 year old kid. We finally just stopped answering the door when she would show up to try and get through to her. Then she'd just stand there ringing the doorbell over and over again and calling us from her cell phone as well. I don't know...i was brought up in a family where i was taught that it's rude to show up uninvited or unannounced. My husband's family doesn't seem to think that's a problem. We finally opted to move to another state for some privacy lol.

Answer 4

Very rude, and it's often people who don't have children themselves (or have obviously forgotten what it's like to have young children/ a baby).



It's hard to turn them a way when they're in your face, but I think it can work well to completely carry on what you were doing once they've barged inside. Keep folding laundry, cooking dinner, bathing etc, and do not offer them a cup of tea or play the host at all. They'll get the idea that you're not always available, will get a sense of how busy and occupied your life is, and will call in the future if they want a satisfying visit.

Answer 5

It depends on the relationship. With close friends or family, I can see dropping by unexpected if you're just dropping something off and aren't coming in. But, that is the only circumstance under which I wouldn't call. If I were expecting to stay longer, go in the house, or wasn't close to the person (ANY of those), then I woudl call. So, I feel it was rude, especially with you just having had a baby, but some families have freer visiting habits.

Answer 6

I think it's very rude and it makes me mad! There's nothing worse than someone showing up when I'm still in my PJ's which usually have some type of spit up on them, my hair is going 100 different directions, and I'm not wearing a bra! lol I also like to pick the house up a little bit before people show up. I feel embarrased when all my stuff is just laying around and there's folded laundry on the couch that needs to be put up.

Answer 7

That is very rude. You should tell her that while you enjoy her company, she should warn you in advance. Maybe arranging times when she can stop by would be best - ask her if she'd mind coming by tomorrow instead. If not, say "nice to see you - I'm busy right now but I hope to see you soon.. just let me know when you'll be around and we'll work out a time"

Answer 8

Personally, yes I do. My grandmother sometimes comes over to my house at 9 in the morning. It really bugs me, but I don't say any thing because I don't want to hurt her feelings. But usually I'm in my PJ's when she arrives.



And to answer you question, yes it is extremely rude. Your sister in law should definitely call before just dropping in.

Answer 9

I consider it extremely rude. But my in-laws are the same way. I have made it clear that I want a call first before they come over.

Answer 10

VERY RUDE!! I hate it when people show up without calling to ask if they can come over. I would have done the same thing as you by not answering the door!!

Answer 11

I agree with you , completely. I don't go for "drop by's" especially when this person OBVIOUSLY knows you have a lot going on right now. She should call and ask when would be a good time for a visit.

Answer 12

Yes I personally find it rude when people just show up at my door unannounced (barring emergencies).



Now if I could just convince my MIL that it's rude.. *sigh*

Answer 13

Yes. It is extremely rude.

Answer 14

for me, family can come to my house anytime, wont bother me, they're family.