My husband says he wouldn't change diapers when we have kids?

Question

He said it's a woman's job. And I said, wait so you really wouldn't change your own child's diaper? And he said maybe if he had to he would, but it's so disgusting he doesn't know if he could do it. Like we've been talking quite a lot about having kids and now he just sprung this on me.

In my opinion, it's all part of being a dad. They are your kids and part of being an involved parent is taking on full responsibility, and not just selecting certain parts of raising a child that appeal to you. And not assuming that someone else will always take on responsibility for the parts you don't like- just because she's "the woman". If he's not mature enough to change a diaper, in my opinion he's not mature enough to have a baby.

I said to him, ok so what if I decide, come the time we have a baby, that I find it too disgusting to change diapers too, and I don't want to change them either? Then what? And he said, "Then don't have one.".

I'm sooo angry. He's just riding on the assumption that I would take care of it. Like I'm not much of a feminist tbh but that's sexist, and so immature. I said "Well I would never have a child with you if that's your attitude" and he said "Yeah I would never have a child with you either.". I mean what a baby!! I wanted a baby but it seems like I already have one.

I said to him you make such a big thing of being "the man", too manly to change a friggin diaper, but clearly you're more of a girl then I thought. I mean I find it disgusting too, but it's my CHILD. Of course there is no doubt in my mind that I would change his/her diapers. I mean is this really ok?? Am I supposed to be fine with it?

Answer 1

My husband says that a man who doesn't change his baby's diaper is not a man but a wuss. And honestly I'd tell my husband that if he won't change the baby's diaper then what will he do instead? Because he better be picking up slack somewhere else, like all the dishes, vacuuming, etc, or he's not attractive anymore.



I knew a guy who fainted when he saw the blood on his kid's knee. There really are some people who can't handle it. But I WOULD require him to do SOMETHING else.

Answer 2

My husband hates changing diapers, but a soon as or children were born, he loved them so much that changing their diaper became a selfless act for him. He would never let his children stay in a dirty diaper... No matter how disgusting it was. He never changed the first poop (the sticky, tarry, meconium poop), but as a mother, we sort of have a second nature to just pick up the slack. I am a stay at home mom, so I don't expect my husband to change a ton of diapers. I do the work at home, and when he gets home, he plays with the boys, helps with dinner, and takes on bedtime duty. I often bathe them, but sometimes he will, but he'll put them in their beds, say their prayers, and deal with any attitudes until they're asleep. We have a great system going, and I think that's very important for parents to have. If you worry about one little thing like your hubby saying he won't change diapers, even though you don't have any children yet, then I think you're just worrying about something unnecessarily. He may be just trying to get your goat, and it sounds like it's working. Next time he says he won't change diapers, just ignore him or say, "ok." Chances are, he will actually change diapers when the time comes. I wouldn't get so worked up about it. And, if he never changes a diaper, I wouldn't worry about that either. If he's ever home alone with the baby, I'd be willing to bet that he will actually change a diaper. :) I say calm down, and decide if you're both truly ready for a child (not based on whether or not your hubby says he'll change diapers or not)... Then go forward from there. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 3

So? What's the problem? It's just diapers. My fiance has probably changed our daughter's diaper 5 times and she's 4 months old, and I'm not complaining. He loves her so much. He bathes her when I ask him to, he'll put her in clothes, but he just does not like changing diapers. He said that if he could feed her he would (I breastfeed).



Don't get upset over one tiny little thing. Yeah, it was wrong of him to say it's a woman's job, but you're also wrong in saying that it's all part of being a dad. There's more to being a dad than just changing diapers.



Will you be a working mother or a stay-at-home mom? If you're going to be working, then he needs to do his fair share, but if you're going to be a stay-at-home mom, most of the child raising is going to be YOUR job. He's going to be the one out making money, YOU take care of the kid.

Answer 4

When the time comes, if he is a decent man, he'll do anything for his baby. My husband has changed a lot of diapers. He doesn't love it and if I was home, he would usually have me do it. However, you are forgetting one very important tool you have: sex. Just tell your husband that if he can't change a diaper when the time comes, then no sex. It's amazing what husband's will do when you threaten that. Since you aren't even pregnant, drop this issue for now and calm down. Discuss it again later on when you start trying for a baby. And yes, your husband is a like a baby. I tell people have 3 kids (7, 4, and 36). :)

Answer 5

Why don't you get a divorce and have kids with someone who isn't a jerk?



One aside: being a feminist is actually sexy to men (like me) who are secure enough in their manliness that they could change a diaper of the child they had with the strong woman they love. Your husband sounds like a baby himself.

Answer 6

My husband does not change poopy diapers at all. He did the first two weeks when I as recovering from my c-sections and literally less than ten between our two kids since. He even tried to get out of it when I was at a funeral and he was caring for the children at the hotel. I don't like it, but I put up with it. To be fair he has to deal with plenty things from me that I am sure he hates dealing with.



But if it isn't OK with you then it isn't OK. We all have things in our marriage that we can't tolerate. Those things are different for everyone. I don't think being a man or woman has much to do with it.

Answer 7

I advised my spouse this in the previous we've been married. My dad by no potential replaced a diaper in his existence, and that i wasn't going to alter one. She agreed to do each and all the diaper adjustments if i could handle the throwup. truthful adequate, I agreed. ...and then, the 1st time she grow to be out for any length of time, of path he crapped interior the diaper, and of path I replaced him. what style of a jerk is going to enable his infant take a seat in poop waiting for somebody else to return substitute him. it is so no longer a super deal, as quickly because it occurs. Amuse him, except you think of he's somewhat able to letting his baby take a seat in excrement for hours waiting so which you will return abode on a night out (or is adequate of a Neandrathal to think of you are going to stay with the infant each minute till he's potty knowledgeable).

Answer 8

thats wrong, gender doesnt matter i know that if it was my child i would change his diaper with no problem, if its your kid why not

Answer 9

I want to ask the same question as the previous person.

Answer 10

Too late now. You picked him.