Baby and home alone most of the time...?

Question

So I have a one month old. My husband works FT Mon-Fri and then has a side business that he sometimes takes on small jobs on the weekend.

His dad also has a side business that he runs. This is a really hard time now for me with the baby. DH said he was working on Saturday (today) which I said ok. Then he had to step by his dad's house and comes home saying he will work on Sunday too which I knew nothing about. His dad needs help finishing up a project. Then today he calls saying there is a soccer game tonight he wants to go to. I am so fed up and crying! I am tired of being home alone with the baby and especially him coming up with these plans of his own.

Any other moms going through the same thing? Am I overreacting or do you see my point for getting upset?

I am getting ready to leave if this doesn't change!

Answer 1

You could have a case of the baby blues or even post-partum depression. If so, know that you are not alone, MANY women experience this, and you should talk to your doctor if you believe it to be a possibility.



You could also be getting a little *stir crazy*. When I had my first daughter, I went from a working career woman to a stay-at-home mom, and I didn't much like it, and then I felt guilty for feeling this way. Know that your feelings are valid and okay.



Have you talked to your husband about your feelings? Communication is so important in a successful marriage. Men don't always realize that they have much more freedom to do as they please then we do. Ask him if he'd be willing to stay home one night during the week or next weekend so you can go to lunch or dinner with friends, or treat yourself to a massage or get your nails done, or shop, or just have some *me* time at a coffee shop or the library. Even better, see if someone can babysit for a couple hours so you and DH can go out and have a nice relaxing dinner together!



Just because you have a little one doesn't mean you are a prisoner of your house, either! Take a nice long walk with baby--they love being outside and the fresh air is good for them! Lastly, find a moms group for support and women in similar situations. I found a fabulous moms group at www.meetup.com You can have *playdates* with other moms and little ones, which will benefit you both!



Good luck, and congrats on becoming one of the greatest people in the world--a mom!

Answer 2

Ohhh yeah. I would be really upset about all this if I was you too. I wouldn't consider leaving him quite yet though. Try to talk to him and work it out. Tell him how you feel. The baby needs you both so much more than you could ever imagine.



I know how you feel though. My son is 9 months old now. My husband works 12 hour days 6 days a week. Thank god I have a part time job as a stylist..cuz if not I'd probably go insane.



Us mommies need a break away from baby. We need adult human contact too. You should start making plans and just tell him..."your turn!" lol.

Answer 3

I have to give your husband props. I mean, there are so many father's out there that do nothing and mother's that have to work two jobs. I know. I was one. Your husband is taking the initiative to be the bread winner and that is great. You should support him with his work. But, you should also talk to him about the importance of bonding with the baby. Maybe, instead of a soccer game, he could stay home and bond with you and the baby. It sounds like you may have a touch of post pardom depression. That is normal. You need to sit him down and explain your feelings. Do not overreact. Just talk to him maturely. I know this is a tough time, but you will get through it. When the baby naps, try to get some rest. Also, talk to your hubby about the idea of him babysitting for the evening and letting you go out and have some you time. You need it. Remember, you are not a bad mother if you get a sitter for a few hours. Tell him that you think you may need a sitter to help you. That may get him thinking. Good luck.

Answer 4

I am in the same boat today. I have 2 little ones, and I am exhausted. My husband is also helping out his family today, after working all week. It would be ok, but I feel like he can't say no to anyone but me. There are things that need to be done at our house, and he's always doing something for someone else. I could use 20 mins where I don't have to be responsible for anyone but me. He doesnt understand, because even though he works full time, he only has to take care of himself. It's hard having to worry about little people every second of your life with no break! He told me he would be home today to help me with some projects, and play with the boys, but he isn't. I feel like he just doesnt get how hard it is to be cooped up all day without help. I know exactly how you are feeling. I am so frustrated and sad today...I'm tired of coming last.

Answer 5

You need to sit down and talk to your husband about this. I don't blame you for being upset, and I was in the same boat so I understand. Its VERY tedious being home alone with a 1 month old baby all day long. Its a long day. I think two things need to happen here. (1) I understand your husband has to work alot - but I'd insist he has to take one day off a week to spend with his family. And if he's going to work that often, he needs to cut down on his "leisure activities" like the soccer game. Basically he needs to put more effort to his family time. And (2) I think you need to get out more. Do you have any friends or relatives you can visit during the day? Can you join a mommy and me class? Or a playgroup? Something along those lines. I think once you have more adult company in your life, it'll be easier for you when your husband has to work so much.



Good luck!!

Answer 6

I understand complety I mean with the baby there is so much added stress and there is not much to do at home during the day, plus when your husband is home it doesn't feel like there is much help anyways. I think about it all the time, but I think about what is best for my child and that is to at least have a home until I can work full time, and support him. I guess you could try talking to him, and telling him that you want to leave

Answer 7

Call him back and talk to him. Tell him you really need some time to relax and you need him to take care of the baby. He is a Daddy now and needs to put that above his wants. There will be other soccer games but this is his child.

Answer 8

Oh my goodness you're not alone (neither am I!) Sometimes it gets so bad that I want to just go outside and take a walk! It was easier in the summer because we got a pool so I could get out of the house! Now I'm back to square one, feeling depressed, alone and stressed out! Please make your life easier and ask to go to that game with him for an hour, go to the store (whatever you do, go out!). I have stayed in the house for several weeks at a time due to my husband's busy schedule and his friend even picked up on it and told him to take off work to take me on vacation!



Please, please, please speak with your husband about how this is affecting you before you leave. Many many stay at home moms are in your shoes, you've got a lot of time ahead of you, make the best of it. Join a mom and baby group, get a new hobby, spend time with your newborn. I know the first few weeks I was so depressed thinking "this is how she turned out?" Because my baby just laid there. I didn't know how to play with her (first time mom!) and I didn't interact with her, which gave me a sense of bad parenting! Wait until you can sleep though the night, the stress isn't killing you, and you can play with your son. It gets better, I promise you!



Edit: tell him if he's not out earning money to support the family, that he needs to be home helping you. Talk to his dad if need be... because his father should be promoting his son spending time with his new son. Your family comes first, whether he sees it or not!



My husband used to spend a lot of time out with his mother and having his sisters over. It drove me nuts. I was walked all over, expected to cook, clean, babysit, and entertain. Once they left, he left to go shopping in their town. I was stuck feeling like I couldn't go out or do anything because I HAD to watch the baby. I straightened my husband out by going to his mother and telling her how much I don't appreciate her visiting us. Yes, it was a bit extreme, but I nipped it in the bud, now we haven't seen them in almost 3 months, and I couldn't be happier! Focusing on the family is what life should be all about, perhaps he has his priorities misunderstood!



I suggest you do things to get him involved. When he gets home, try getting the car keys and saying, "I'm going for a hair cut, be back in an hour!" Leave everything the baby needs out, and have a phone on you just in case. You need to show him responsibility.

Answer 9

im somehwat in the same boat as you. my boyfriend works 5 days a week.. 10-12 hour days so im home with my son all day everyday his 2 days off i work so we realy never get to see each other. he rarely ever makes plans to hang out with his friends and when he does part of me is angry because im always home and i look forward to him comming home and spending time together and another part fo me says hey i know he works so hard to provide he does deserve a little time to himself to hang out with friends. i defeintely wouldnt go making any plans on leaving him but explain to him exsact how you feel. he doesnt know hwo your feeling if you dont tell him! as long as its not all the time him making plans to go out i would let him have some free time as long as hes taking the baby every once in awhile so you can have osme time to yourself as well

Answer 10

You husband is definitely not doing his share. You have every right to be upset...I would confront him on it, and tell him how you feel, after all you didn't get pregnant all by yourself. He should spend more time with you and the baby...My wife and I are trying to have a baby, I'm sure my wife would not appreciate me doing that to her.

Answer 11

Stop saying "Okay". This is his baby as well and you are his wife. Tell him that he needs to start spending more time with his family. If you don't step up and say something he probably will never realize how much it's affecting you. Men sometimes need clear cut words.

Answer 12

that is horible im soory, if for one he is working THAT much already away fromyou and the babay, then he def. shouldnt be going on his tie off to sports games! honestly it sounds like a dad who didnt want a child! its inconsiterste to the baby amnd to you who has to do ewverything! i think he should honetly want to spend as much time with hiswife and child as he could. maybe this want the life he wanted...doesnt sound like it, for him being a workaholic. best of luck to you! and talk to him about it, if nothing changes for your happiness condsider something else.

Answer 13

im the same way - my husband works mon-sat alllllll day pretty much saturdays are half days which is nice! anyways your husband is doing it to pay the bills and make yours and your childs life a great one! if you're so upset though you should seriously talk to him about it!

Answer 14

I havent been through this. But i think you should talk get it off your mind. I would get rid. You dont deserve being alone with your child. Its not fair on you or your baby. You deserve better. I would move and have someone that can be with you most of the time. You should know that your unhappy by crying so i would get rid hun. good luck xx



p.s or talk to him to tell him 2 change his ways x

Answer 15

Wow i wish i was a Mother right now, i could be so good at answering this :-P

Answer 16

talk to him about it.