MOM of 3, if I move in with HIM will things get worse or better?HELP i really love him?

Question

please bear with me I know this is very long but I have my heart out on my sleeve and I don't know who to talk to anymore so I'm asking that if you read this please give me some hindsight on the situation and what's going to happen

I NEED SERIOUS ADVICE...it's easy to say "leave him" but I have 3 kids, and a divorce, i'm currently not working and with 3 kids working is difficult as in most of my money will go to daycare anyways.


my kids are aged
9 and 5 yrs old and a 7 month old. The 7 month is both our son the other two older boys are from my ex husband.
I'm 30 years old and he's 27 and (he also has his 6 year old daughter of his own, who lives with the mother)

WE DON"T LIVE TOGETHER, he lives in his own place and i live in my family's home (my own separte apt), we live 5 miles away from each other, a 15 minute drive

we fight every weekend because he wants me to lend him my car to the Club and go out, He got mad last week because I told him he had no right to talk to me like that , he said He wears the pants not me, but yeah, he got a new job and I have been letting him use the car to go to work , but he wants it all day, that's why we fight



he has his own car, but doesn't drive it because it needs a new transmission and plenty of other work

So I wake up early in the morning around 5,drive to his place, he leaves work at 7 and I just hang around until he comes home around 4 in the afternoon,he keeps my car to go get his own daughter usually he doesn't keep his daughter past 6 pm because (the ex wants her home by then), long story short he ends up keeping the car all day till like 10pm he does this alot, HOWEVER there are times when he comes out of work at 4pm we spend all afternoon together until 11pm those days are nice when i'm with him, doing things together



I also am NOT fond with the Mother of his daughter she does not like me , he even told me that the other day, after I ran into her , she txted him and told him that "he needs to upgrade, not downgrade, that he could do better"


I'm 30 and with 3 kids I don't know what to do, I don't want to be alone, I already have a divorce which gave me 2 children, and I can't have another failed relatinship, if it weren't for the baby I wouldn't be dealing with him

He actually was the one who begged me to have his child, I was already out the door and done with him, but then I believed him and we made plans on being a family, why did he want to have a child with me so depsetatly then

now everytime I try to put my foot down and leave him he priomises me the world and all of a sudden turns into the man I want him to be but it's only a cycle beofre he is back to his old ways, I just really need to know what is he thinking and what is going to happen, It's hard to leave him becuase he always has a way to manipulataing me into taking him back and I always fall for it.

he has talked about living together and I was thinking about moving in, do you think this will be a bad idea? maybe once I move in things will fall into place

Answer 1

Your 30 so your still young, you got alot of life left ahead of you. Why spend it with this loser bein miserble? I think your much better off leaving him & takin him to court for child support. It's NOT your problem that he doesnt have a working car, It's NOT your problem that his other baby momma wont let him have his kid past 6pm & at 27 with ALL THESE KIDS he shouldn't be going to a club, he should be working 3 jobs. I was in the same boat as you when it comes to being manipulated, My son's father wasent working & I was out busting my as* to pay for all the bills so I left him. It wasent easy the thought of bein alone killed me but the thought about spending the rest of my life with the loser killed me worse. There's plenty of people out there who will do you & your kids right. Please don't put your 7 month old through this BS if you move in with this dude its just gonna get worse!!

Answer 2

Uh it sounds like you need to upgrade not downgrade. This 27 year old "man" sounds like a major loser, you and your children are better off not being around him. What does he have to offer for you? You cannot change people, people have to change themselves. I am not saying that this guy cannot change, but he sounds pretty self absorbed. You should know by now at 30 years old and one failed marriage that having a child in an already "rocky" relationship does not make it better and moving into together is just going to make it worse. If you two cannot get along not living together what on earth makes you think you two will get along when you live together? You need to reevaluate this situation. Having a child together does not mean you need to be married or even together. The child can sense when his/her parents do not like one another and are always fighting. A child will ultimately be happier in two happy homes vs one unhappy home.



Sounds like you may need some counseling to build up your self esteem. You said it yourself, he manipulates you back into his life, where is the love and respect in that? Sounds like you only love this man because you feel as if you have to love him because of your child together. Remember, you have to be happy too.



Basically, terrible idea that you move in with one another....

Answer 3

No things will not just fall into place I know this. My mother was married three times....ur in denial...I know u don't want to hear it either did she but this is a cycle that will happen over and over again and one of these days he's not even gonna care if you want him ur going to half to stay....is what he'll tell you anyway....I know how ur feeling I know how u feel alone scared and u feel like u need to be settled down because u already have 3 kids and ur previous divorce....I know it's stressful but U need to put him out...do not DO NOT PLEASE DO NOT move in w/t him because then he's going to think he got his way...it's not fair for him to take ur car and make u stay at the house all day .....u will find love again...I think ur just vulunerable and that's why u feel like u love him....I took the time to read ur story and I'm glad I did I just hope u listen to my advice.....u should not be with this man...and believe me I know how hard it is to hear this from a stranger...my mom never even wanted to listen to her own kids.... but you can do it on ur own....and then find a man...who knows he might just fall into ur lap.....but like I said 3rd time is a charm...lol my mother and her new husband have both been married twice before and their both really happy now....I know by what u explained in ur story some of the things that were un said....but that's because I have personally been their.....like I said my father was a loser ......I know the signs......My father used to beat us he pointed a gun at us at one point and threatened our lives my father was abusive and he was a rapist and now he's in prison...I'm not accusing or anything but I know the signs of an unhealthy relationship....Good luck to you and if u ever wanna talk...because I believe I know more about you then you think and I can relate to you in many ways....just hit me up......Best of luck to you....Please don't move in w/t him my best suggestion would be to break up with this man......and you said earlier that the reason u didn't was for your kid the reason u should should be for your kid.....

Answer 4

I consider Greg. you would be able to desire to do yet it takes to get healthful. Your boys choose you. they'll alter. My youngsters had to flow two times throughout their college years because of activity loss. on a similar time as not continuously suited, they adjusted. in fact, they have instructed me they found out that anyplace they stay existence is surprisingly a lot the comparable, however if the circumstances at the instant are not. they have found out to adapt. BTW - the final flow replace into on a similar time as mine have been young people and in HS. In intense college in case you progression them attempt to do it for the time of the summer season (makes it a lot greater handy) or a minimum of between semesters.

Answer 5

Sorry but you are letting him walk all over you, and he realizes this and uses it to his advantage. He knows you'll always stick by him no matter what he does, so he does whatever he wants to! As long as you let him take advantage of you, he'll gladly do it.

Answer 6

sweety, I am so sorry to say this, but you need to get out. The whole "have my baby" thing was just to get you to stay. My ex tried the same thing with me when he realized that threatening to kill himself lost its charm. I know that its hard, trust me i know that its hard, who wants to be alone? who will help with the kids, how will you take care of them? but remember this, ANY man who will talk to you with no respect will never show you the respect you deserve and will only show those kids that they don't need to respect their future wives/girlfriends. He's using you for your car, tell him that he needs to start getting his fixed because you need your care available to you incase theres an emergency. If he wants to throw a fit, throw him out or tell him if he takes your car your calling the police for GTA. I know that it sounds harsh, but trust me, you'll see what kind of man he is if you start being harsh. If he really tries to work things out with you and starts respecting you and your property, then you know he's for real. If he still continues to want it all his way and he doesnt try to compromise, then hunny, its going to stay that way and its only going to get worse. My ex started the same thing with me, first it was trying to control my stuff, then he started on my friends, i couldn't hang out with othe guys, i could only hang out with people he "approved of" then he got me a cell phone under his plan so he could see my phone calls, my texts, and call me every 5 min to "talk". when i finally started getting sick of it, he started trying to make me feel like ****, like everything was all my fault, i couldnt do anything right, and i was lucky that he was willing to be with me because no body else would, i was a POS and ugly and all these other things. when i started fighting back against that abuse, he started getting physical with me. It wasn't until he attacked me on my way home from school, threatened to kill me if i screamed, raped me, cracked 3 of my ribs and gave me 2 black eyes, a busted lip and a bloody nose that i called it quits. He did that because i wanted to hang out with my girl friend from school and i didn't want to sit up at his work all night. I know that right now, your b/f or whoever he is doesnt seem like the kind of man to do that, but i didn't think my b/f would ever do that to me either. It starts out as little things, little things that start to take control, and he'll keep trying to take control until he has it and then you're not only putting yourself in danger, your putting your children in danger too. Please, dont think about your feelings for him, think about how he acts, and what your children think of him. And if you feel you need to leave, then leave, and don't get sucked back in by whatever guilt trip he gives you because then you're giving him control and your giving him permission to treat you in a way that you DO NOT deserve. I know that it's hard and i know there aren't many people to talk to about it, but if you ever need a sympathetic ear, please email me, [e-mail] GOOD LUCK!