Awful mother?

Question

My 3.5month old has been crying and fussing all afternoon - she gets overtired cause she fights sleep and then she has a tantrum. Its like our routine - i try to get her to sleep by swaddling/rocking/swinging/singing and she fights it by screaming every step of the way.

This time i was so exhausted and frazzled and her crying irritated me more than anything ever has! I wanted to smack her or something! - just anything to get her to stop! I didn't smack her of course but i did yell at her and told her to shut up. Of course it didn't work.

Now i feel overwhelmingly guilty that i yelled at my poor daughter - she's a baby - of course she will cry! I'm sure she knew from my tone that i was angry and she was a little startled when i yelled at her - i feel like an awful awful mother!

She finally let me rock her to sleep so is peaceful now so i'm just sitting here with my guilt. Does yelling at my poor daughter make me an awful mother?

Answer 1

Awwwww hun, don't beat yourself up over it....everybody yells at one time or another... we can only cope with so much...You might be a bit frazzeled by 3.5 months so ask for help from family, friends or proffessionals....it's ok this happens to the best of us and doesn't make you a bad mother...



((((huggssss))))

Answer 2

No, it doesn't make you a awful mother! You're stressed out and your baby feels that. When she starts crying like that and you feel the way you were feeling creeping up on you, the best thing you can do is to put her down and walk to another room. Let her cry for a few minutes. You need a few minutes to calm down, collect yourself, and go try again. The more tense you are, the more she feels it and it doesn't help her situation at all. It turns into a vicious cycle. Don't over stress yourself!



Don't feel so guilty, I'm sure at one point or another every mother has lost her temper and control and yelled when normally she wouldn't have.



You should find out what's causing her to be so fussy. Does she have gas on her stomach? Ear infection? There could be something behind her fussiness.



Just remember, next time you feel the urge to yell at her, remind yourself that you're getting stressed out. Just put her down for 5-10 minutes and let her cry while you go to the bedroom/bathroom/wherever to just take a few deep breaths and calm down, cry, or whatever you need to do to collect your thoughts, emotions, and temper.



You are not a bad mother, and anyone who has the nerve to answer with anything different has obviously never been a mother or has never dealt with a cranky/fussy baby all day.

Answer 3

You aren't an awful mother! I think most moms lose it once or twice and yell at their baby when he/she is screaming for hours & hours and they don't know what to do to soothe their child. I remember rocking my sons and crying with them because I didn't know what they wanted. Its very stressful!



Next time your baby is fussy like that try setting her in her crib and then going out of the room and taking some deep breaths. As long as you are stressed out and everything she can sense it and it will just make her cry even more.

Another thing you can do is change her surroundings. I know with both of my sons just turning a light off as I held them and walked them around the nursery would help. I think it is because the sudden light change startled them and they forgot why they were freaking out.



Also try changing your schedule a little bit. You should put your child to bed before she starts getting fussy. Once you wait until she shows signs of being tired by fussing then you are too late and she will fight sleep and get fussier. Try putting her to bed 1/2 hour or so before you normally do. Having the same routine day in and day out is also best for a baby. You could try doing her feedings, baths, naps, etc. at the same times every day and then adjust them to fit her needs. So if you are putting her to bed at 12pm every day and she is fussy and all that, then start putting her to bed at 11:30am. Once you find something that works stick to it and it will make things easier!!!



I am sure you already know this but I will tell you anyways. No matter how frustrated, tired or overwhelmed you get never shake or hit your baby. You can kill your child or cause serious brain damage. Also yelling at your baby whenever she frustrates you is bad too, but you aren't a bad mom for messing up once or twice.



Good Luck!

Answer 4

NO...don't make yourself feel guilty like that. Taking care of a baby is an exhausting job. And I bet ALL mothers feel like that at some point.

When you get stressed out like that, don't be afraid to put the baby in her crib for a few minutes, close the door and get a deep breath and a few moments of silence before going back in. This won't hurt her and it will refresh you and prevent you from doing something you'll later regret.

Dont be so hard on yourself. Maybe you should see a doc to see what could help your baby?

Answer 5

NO you are not an awful mother. You are just exhausted! Dont worry and dont be too hard on yourself! Believe and know that you are doing an awesome job and you are a human being too.

So just relax and take it easy.



No matter how many times anyone says to put the baby in crib and go out, personally speaking it is very hard to do, and somehow i could never do it.



My 4 month baby also does the same. It is called separation anxiety. This is your babys way of showing her unconditional love to you, that she things if she closes her eyes you will disappear. The best way to calm the baby and make her feel secure is hug her and just keep talking to her, since she is sleepy she will eventually close her eyes but your voice will help her know that you are close to her making her go off to sleep eventually.

It worked with me i hope it works for you.



Like the first poster said it happens to everyone, so dont be hard on yourself, enjoy your little one, believe me these little things grow up sooo fast!



Take care and hugs!

Answer 6

You're not an awful mother. Every parent has frustration on occasion, especially when you don't know what to do but feel like somehow magically you should. I'm sure you've already recognized that when you are stressed and frazzled is when she cries the most. Babies naturally pick up on your mood.



There is no sense in beating yourself up. Taking care of a baby is a huge job and everyone has their physical and emotional limits. But in order for you to feel more emotionally well, it sounds like you need someone who can take over for you and allow you to get some time for yourself. Don't be ashamed to let others know that you are needing a little reprieve.

Answer 7

I think the fact that you are questioning this is your answer. It's so stressful to have a baby that is fussy. I have 2 children (now 8 and 11) and believe me I can relate! I remember a time when my son was colicky and I had to drive him around all night. The movement of the car was the only way I could get him to sleep. Luckily when my daughter was born I found a carrier that mimicked the cars motion (it vibrated). What a relief! I also found running the vacuum put them both to sleep. What worked the best though was finding out the cause of their distress. They were both allergic to their formula. As soon as I found the right one for each of them, the fussy days lessened a lot. Good luck and remember to get some rest!

Answer 8

Hi there!

No way!!! It does not make you an awful mother!!!!



I think sometimes we get so frustrated because the child does not understand us we just want to yell!

You were stressed out and wanted to get the baby to sleep cos she was over tired and i know myself when my 5 month old daughter is tired so fights it so much and its hard getting her to sleep i get so frustrated But its very normal...



Take some time out go for a coffee and leave the bubs with someone else your partner or mother... And just have some "YOU" time!

Even if you enjoy doing somethin at home like cooking or reading just to give yourself a break, Thats what i do i enjoy scrapbooking so thats what i do while my bub is watching tv or playing with her toys!

I hope this helps you out!



Good Luck!

Answer 9

Gee, I thought I was the only person in the world that felt like an awful mother. I think we all go through times like that, just some aren't willing to admit it, but there have been days when I've felt like really hitting my son (who is now three and totally adorable), the difference is though honey, that people like you and I don't resort to acting out our thoughts. It's perfectly normally to think of such things because it does get tiring and frustrating, but the clincher is if you DO it..... I still cry to myself if I say something in a loud tone of voice to my son, it makes me feel awful, but he's well loved, well cared for and even sending him to the naughty wall makes me feel guilty. So in all hon, you are not an awful mother, just read the news (and if you're from NZ, you'll know about the mongrels that killed baby Nia and the story of the Kahui twins) - now those are people that don't deserve to be around children let alone have any. Good luck and if you feel frustrated again, just let baby cry in her crib for a while and have a cup of tea, show your face a few times while you are having your cuppa so that she knows that you are still there. xxx

Answer 10

No, I do not really think so. Being a mother feeding and taking care of a baby is not a very easy task. Of course you will get exhausted and frazzled by your baby which willl makes you scream! It wasn't really your fault for shouting at your baby because he/she makes you to be very irritating and angry. Babies are just like that. Don't be feel so guilty, try to find a family counsellor or any counsellor which may help you and your baby. Finding a family counsellor may be free sometimes.



(More updated answer)

Answer 11

No Yelling at her is o.k. as long as it is not all the time, i have 3.5 year old as well it is realy tough. Mine has grown her self out of sleeps, but she still has a rest time, where she goes into a different room away from me with the door open and plays with her toys or where she sits at the table and plays with playdough or does something quiet.



if you continue to rock her pat her you will be doing this forever as I found out with my 7 year old.



give her cuddles and kisses and tell her that you are sorry for yelling at her.



Sometimes it is not the children that we cant cope with but we are just having a bad day and then we take it out on children we really should be kicking the cat.

Answer 12

Sometimes life with a baby is very trying....



you are not a bad mother! We've all done things we later regret as a parent.



If it happens again...make sure she is fed, and has a clean nappy, wrap her up and put her in bed.

Sometimes babies will settle quite quickly by themselves after they have got themselves all overtired and worked up! It's also good for you to get a moment to yourself when you feel overwhelmed...



You are doing a great job!

Answer 13

I think everyone has a moment like this, and those who say they don't are probably lying or forgetful. Don't beat yourself up too much about it. It sounds like you learned from your mistake. Next time just set her down in her crib and take a quick break--I finally had to give myself permission to do that. I would go and cry, regain my composure, and come back in my right mind. I think my son could tell when I was frazzeled, too, so it did him no good to have a frantic mommy trying to soothe him! Just forgive yourself and don't let the evil beast that is Mommy Guilt stop you from moving ahead. You'd be closer to a bad mommy if you totally lost confidence in yourself!

Answer 14

Everyone gets frustrated. Just do not do it again.

Go hit a pillow or cuss at your self.

I'm sure you feel bad but do not beat yourself up, just CHANGE for the future!

Answer 15

I'm a guy, but my advice is just to put the baby in a crib, and watch tv with headphones. That way the baby learns self-soothing.



Give her a rattle and 4 passifiers, and dont let the blessing turn into a stressbomb.